


The Heart of Sam Winchester

by BrianJustin4Ever



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Sam, Het, M/M, Sastiel Big Bang 2013, Sibling Incest, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 08:41:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrianJustin4Ever/pseuds/BrianJustin4Ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam lets Dean go despite how much he loves his brother in a non-brotherly way. Castiel is helping out as he hunts alone. What's up with Crowley and Purgatory? And is Castiel really trustworthy? Sam hopes so, especially with the new feelings developing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heart of Sam Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> **Acknowledgements:** I would like to thank my beta reader, reggie11, who stepped in at pretty last minute. She did an excellent job, got back the stuff in a timely manner, and kept constant communication with me when there an issue. I couldn't have done it without her.
> 
>  **Warnings:** Some dialogue from the show has been taken, Alternate Season 6, bottom!Sam, incest, het, slash

**Prologue**

Sam arches his back as Dean's cock thrusts deeply into him. He feels his orgasm building as his prostate is continuously struck. He sucks on Dean's tongue and feels the tears sliding down his cheeks as he comes.

Dean continues to thrust, the pace frantic. He feels warm liquid in him and lies still when Dean pulls out. He feels the liquid coat his thighs and snuggles into Dean's warmth.

Dean would normally crack a joke about cuddling, but doesn't tonight, making Sam grateful. He needs this, even though it is just for one night.

"Dean?"

"Don't say it." Dean sounds choked up and Sam knows his brother – turned lover – is doing everything he can to not cry.

"I need to." Sam would do almost anything for Dean, but he can't stay quiet, not tonight. "I'm not expecting to walk away from this thing alive. When I say yes to Lucifer, I know there's no way around me not going into the cage with him. I knew that coming up with this plan, but I will do everything I can to put him away for good. When I go into that cage, though, you need to go to Lisa and Ben. You need to have that normal, apple-pie life that I know you want."

Dean's hold becomes tighter. "Do you know what you're asking me to do? I'd essentially be cheating on you, cheating on someone I love. I can't. You can't ask me to."

"You have to," Sam says, doing everything he can to hold his tears at bay. "I love you, but I'm not coming back from this. I'm content to walk into the cage, as long as I know you're happy."

"But—"

"No buts, Dean. Lisa and Ben love you. They'll take good care of you. Please, when I'm gone, go to them. It's my last wish." Sam knows he's fighting dirty, but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is Dean being safe and with someone who loves him.

"That’s so unfair."

Sam shrugs, already knowing how Dean would feel, but not truly caring.

"I'll go, but I _will_ always love you, Sammy."

"I’ll always love you too, Dean."

**Chapter 1**

Dean wakes up and looks around. He seems to be in an abandoned house.

Sam's smile is guilty. "Hey, Dean. I was expecting, uh... I don't know, a hug, some holy water in the face – something."

"So I'm dead? This is Heaven? Yellow Eyes killed me, and now—"

"Yellow Eyes? That's what you saw?"

"Saw?" Dean asked, his tone confused.

"You were poisoned. So whatever you _think_ you saw, it wasn't not real," Sam explains.

"So, then, are you...real? Or – or am I still –"

"I'm real," Sam promises. He then continues, "Here, let me save you the trouble." Sam cuts himself with a silver blade and then puts some salt in a jug of water and drinks it. "That's nasty."

"Sammy?"

"Yeah. It's me."

Dean hugs Sam, but pulls back as if burnt. "Wait a minute, wait a minute. You – you – you were – you were gone, man. I mean, that – that was it. How the hell are you –?"

"Cas."

"Really? He took his sweet time, didn't he? I mean – you were in the cage for a year. He couldn't have sped up the process a little bit?" Dean questions, but it sounds more like a demand. Sam's expression is guilty and Dean becomes suspicious. "What!?"

"I wasn't down there for a year," Sam admits, staring at his feet.

"How long have you been back, Sam?"

"About six months."

"Really?! You've been back practically this whole time?! What, did you lost the ability to send a friggin' text message?!"

"You finally had what you wanted, Dean."

"I wanted my brother, my lover, alive!"

"You wanted a family. You have for a long time, maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something, and you were building something. Had I shown up, Dean, you would have just run off. I'm sorry. But it felt like after everything, you deserved some regular life," Sam says, desperation in his voice.

"What have you been doing this whole time?"

"I've been working to get my head straight after being in the cage for so long; Lucifer and Michael are a couple of sadistic assholes. They really messed me up. When I thought I was in a good mental state, I started hunting, again."

"You left me alone, and you were flying solo?"

"Not solo."

"What?"

Sam shrugs. "I admit I did some hunts alone, but only hunts I was sure I could handle. For the more difficult ones, less straight forward ones, Cas helped."

Dean rolls his eyes. "At least it's someone who's trustworthy."

"Also, for your information, Cas worked as fast he could to get me topside. It's much more difficult getting someone out of the cage with two archangels hovering, especially for a lower level angel than it is to get someone off the rack and out of Hell. And when he did that for you, he wasn't alone. If he went too fast, he could have forgotten a very important part of me." Dean's eyebrows rise, prompting Sam to continue. "He could have left my soul in the cage. He almost did."

Dean's breath catches. He might not be the smartest guy, but he understands the implications of that happening and knows no good would have come from that. "Good thing Cas was careful."

Sam nods. "I was going to stay away, until I realized you were in danger. Now that you know the truth, we can be together. We can go back to how it was. I know my mind is straightened out so I won't be a burden to you. We can be together again, in every way imaginable."

Sam looks so hopeful, and Dean hates to crush it, but he has to. "Sammy..."

"Don't say it, Dean. Please, don't. We can be together again. I'm sorry I stayed away, but I was a mess after Cas pulled me out. I hated the idea of you seeing me like that. I was so weak. I'm better now. We can be together, so please, say you'll come with me. I love you so, so much. There's no one I love more. Say you still love me, please?" There are tears streaming down Sam's face and it's obvious he knows what Dean's response is going to be.

Dean feels his heart clench. Sam has always been one of the most important people in his life, and he hates the fact that he's the one causing Sam distress. Dean has to be honest, though. "I’ll always love you, Sam. That’ll never change, no matter what. I can't come with you, though. I want to stay with Lisa and Ben. I _like_ the normal life I have with them. I feel like I need to be here to protect them. This thing came after me for a reason. I can't let anything come after Lisa and Ben because they're associated with me. I need to keep the things away."

"We'll find a way to protect Lisa and Ben then. You can still come with me."

Dean shakes his head. "Sammy, you're not listening to me. I don't want to stay just because I need to protect them. I want to stay because I _want_ to be a family with them. I have a chance at _normal_ , Sammy. With you we’d always have to lie, about either us being lovers or us being brothers, not to mention our job. I can be honest when I'm with Lisa. Normal, Sammy, normal."

Sam snorts and it sounds disgruntled. "I had a chance at normal too, but you had no qualms dragging me away from Jess."

"That's a low blow."

Sam turns away with a glowering expression on his face and flees. Nothing is resolved.

**Chapter 2**

Sam is at his motel, trying to block out the voices in his head. He hadn't been completely honest with Dean. He was able to hunt and not be a liability, but he still suffered from nightmares and hallucinations if he was too stressed out.

Right now, Lucifer and Michael are having a party in his head. Because he knows that even though he can see them right in front of him, it is all in his head. Sam tries to ignore the taunts and jeers, letting the words just wash over him.

There is a banging on the motel room's door. Sam closes his eyes. He knows who is on the other side and doesn't want to deal with him. The banging continues and Sam knows Dean won't let up. If he gets impatient enough, he'll simply pick the lock.

Sam heaves himself off of the bed and goes to open the door. He turns away from Dean's searching eyes, not wanting to let the person who's his everything see the defeat in his eyes. Not for the first time that day he wishes Castiel was here. Sam had tried praying, but the angel was a no show, probably busy with the angelic civil war that Raphael started.

Dean's voice is soft when he finally breaks the silence. "I told Lisa you were back. She asked me when I was leaving and I told her that I wanted to stay with her and Ben. I told her that I’d already let you know about my decision."

"Why are you telling me this? Are you just trying to rub your happiness in my face? Didn't realize you were so cruel." The last part is muttered, but Dean hears it all the same.

"I then told her we got into a fight, and I needed to come and talk to you. I needed to make sure you were okay. So you see Sam, you’ll always be important to me. Even though I'm with Lisa, your place in my life will never diminish."

Sam is trying to not cry, hating to show that kind of weakness in front of Dean. "Again, I have to ask, are you trying to be cruel? My place in your life has already diminished. We're not having sex anymore, are we? You're going to play happy family with Lisa and Ben instead of being on the road with me! So don't say my place in your life won't diminish because it already has!"

Dean's stance is wide as if he is ready to defend himself if Sam decides to charge. "I love you, Sam. No matter how much I may love Lisa, I won't ever stop loving you. Don't forget, though, _you_ toldme to go to Lisa then stayed away for six months. You could have come to me right away, but you chose to stay away with Castiel as company. Maybe if you came as soon as you were topside, instead of waiting for a djinn to attack, things might be different. You only showed up when you had no other choice. So don't go and blame me for this."

Sam throws his hands up in the air, anger making his gestures big. "I tried doing the right thing by staying away. I was a mess when I first woke up. Take how you were after four months in hell and times that by five. I needed to get my head straight. I didn't want to burden you with any of my problems. Then when I thought I was okay, I came to see you. You were laughing and smiling at a barbecue. You were happy so I left. I tried and tried to stay away. I was going to crack soon anyways; the djinn were just a convenient excuse. I was going to come see you soon. I wouldn't have been able to stay away much longer."

Through a bleary vision, Sam can see Dean's eyes have softened. Dean's fingers gently trace Sam's cheeks in a featherlike caress before soft lips claim his.

Sam moans into the kiss, feeling desire unfurl in his stomach. He presses himself against Dean, wanting to rub their matching erections together. Dean pulls away though, before there is full body contact.

Sam opens his eyes – he hadn't even realized he closed them – and sees Dean putting some distance between them.

Sam stares at the dirty motel floor. He knows that kiss is Dean's way of saying goodbye to their intimate relationship. Sam feels the need to cry building up inside of him again. He pushes the feeling down.

"I’ll always love you, but I want Lisa, Ben, and normal. I'm sorry I have to say this, but it's the truth. I love her a little bit, too."

Sam flinches.

"Lisa will never take your place in my heart. She’ll never be able to even touch it. I hope you can one day understand and be a part of our family. I hope you find your Lisa, too. You deserve happiness and safety. Our relationship ending is for the best. Hopefully you'll one day agree with me."

Sam nods. He understands where Dean is coming from, but it still hurts. Dean has been his whole world for so long. Now he feels lost without a GPS to guide him.

"I _would_ tell you to stop hunting and settle down in one place—I want you to be safe so badly—but I know that won't happen, at least not yet. I know you feel like you need to atone for the Apocalypse, even if you really don't have to. I think being trapped in Lucifer's cage should wipe the slate clean, but that's me. Just be careful and call me once in awhile so I know you're alive. That's all I'm asking."

"Okay," Sam says and Dean leaves. There is no kissing or hugging; he just leaves.

~ ~

The next morning Sam is awakened by the sound of wings. He doesn't even jump, so used to Castiel's typical entrance. Sam's wave is tired. "Hey, Cas. How's it going up in heaven with Raphael?"

Castiel shakes his head sadly. "It's not looking good, but I'm not ready to give up, yet."

"Good," Sam says, smiling slightly at Castiel's determination. "If you need any help, just ask. It's the least I can do for you."

Castiel nods, his head tilted to the side in the way that exemplifies curiosity. "Are you okay? You seem troubled."

Sam is going to brush Castiel's concern away, but stops. Castiel has become his best friend and if he can't tell his best friend what's bothering him, who will Sam be able to tell? "Dean chose Lisa over me. Part of me knew that there was a chance of that happening, but a larger part really didn't believe Dean would ever choose anyone else over me, not with everything we've been through. How can Lisa even compare when she goes up against the history between Dean and me? Somehow, she does, though," Sam finishes bitterly.

"I'm confused. Didn't you tell Dean to go to Lisa?"

Sam rolls his eyes. "Yeah, when I thought I'd be stuck in the cage for all eternity. I didn't expect you to get me out; I didn't even expect you to try to get me out. You’ve always been _Dean's_ angel. I didn't think I was important enough for you to risk a rescue mission, especially solo."

"You didn't deserve to suffer in Lucifer's cage. You deserve happiness as much as Dean."

"Looks like I'm not getting it, not when Dean is with someone else."

"Sam—"

Castiel is cut off. "I know it is wrong to be with Dean. It's incest. I love him, though. I don't know how I'm going to go on without him."

Castiel places an awkward hand on Sam's shoulder. "That's the good thing about your brother being your lover. Even if that side of your relationship ends, he will always be your brother and Lisa can never touch that."

Sam's smile is small, but genuine. "That’s surprisingly insightful."

Castiel looks embarrassed at Sam's compliment.

The sadness comes back full force. "How do I deal with the pain of losing that part of the relationship, though? How can I get over Dean? My heart hurts. It's painful every time it beats, pumping blood through my body. Part of me wants it to stop. Don't worry though, I'd never decide suicide is a viable solution. To me, it's the coward's way out."

"You should stay busy. Keep hunting and saving people. And there's always a Civil War in Heaven to keep your mind occupied.

Sam nods. "You're right. You have my undivided attention. What do you need me to do?"

**Chapter 3**

Sam is lying down, trying to ignore the fact that he has now become a temporary father. He remembers the impromptu trip to the store and the disaster that turned into. There are so many things that a baby needs and to Sam, who never had to take care of one, it was all gibberish. Then he remembers what happened at cash register when the baby started wailing. _A little old lady is the perfect shapeshifter disguise_ , Sam muses. Thankfully, Sam had asked Castiel to stay close in case there was any trouble. Sam just knew it was better to be safe than sorry where a baby was concerned. When the trouble started, Castiel had popped in and then popped them out of the area before the shapeshifter could harm the baby.

After that, Sam had Castiel pop them somewhere safe, at least for the night.

The baby begins crying, breaking Sam out of his thoughts. Then there is blood and skin on the wall above the crib. As Sam forces himself off of the bed to go to the baby his phone rings. He answers without looking at caller id, so focused on what this all means. "Yeah?" Sam asks, his eyes never straying from the now black baby.

"Sammy?"

Dean's voice snaps Sam out of his reverie. He's so not up to dealing with anything concerning Dean right then. "Listen Dean, I'm in the middle of a hunt that just took a turn for the weird."

"What could possibly be so weird that's way past our normal brand of weird?"

"You're not a hunter any longer –"

"Doesn't mean I can't help. I might be able to at least provide some ideas you hadn't already thought of."

Sam sighs. Looking at the squalling infant, he doesn't see any other choice. "Okay, I'm investigating a series of instances where a mother is killed and the baby is snatched. Last time I got to the baby first. I know the thing is afraid of silver, but I couldn't think what it would be. Not many monsters become kidnappers. I think I've narrowed it down just now, though."

"Really?"

Sam can hear the eyebrows rise in Dean's voice. "Yeah, the baby that was once white, just got rid of its skin and became black. I think the attacker is a shapeshifter who’s also the baby's father. Now I'm in charge of a shapeshifter baby and its daddy wants him back.

"Wow, and I thought we were dysfunctional."

Sam chuckles. "Do you have any idea what I should do? The baby is a monster, but it's still a baby and it hasn't hurt anyone, yet. We usually don't kill the monsters that are still innocent of human blood. At the same time, I doubt his dad is going to give up on getting him back.

"Well, first thing first is you need to find the dad and kill him."

"And the baby?"

"We'll talk about that when it's safe."

"Cross that bridge when I get to it, huh?"

"Exactly," Dean says.

"I don't have to look for the dad at least. I know he’ll come to me. All I have to do is be ready.

"Try to have Castiel there. Some angel backup is never a bad thing."

"I'll pray to him and see if he has free time. He's been busy up in Heaven lately."

The rest of the phone call deals with the case. Their conversation never veers to anything personal. It’s the way it has to be. Sam can't handle anything else, yet. It hurts too much.

As the conversation is winding down, Sam clears his throat. "Next time don't call me. If I'm in the middle of a hunt, it could be dangerous. I promised to call you once or twice during the week so you know I'm alive. The key words are ' _I_ promised to call _you_.'" Sam's voice is non-combative, but the message is clear. Don't call. It's Sam's way of keeping Dean at a distance, and he's sure Dean knows it.

They hang up shortly afterward.

The next day, the motel door is banged on. Sam, holding a silver knife in one hand opens it. He holds out the knife threateningly to what looks like an old man. Sam knows from the store that looks can be deceiving, though. The man holds his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Sam, you might have heard of me. My name is Samuel Campbell. I'm your –"

"– grandfather. Interesting. You should have done your homework, my grandfather is dead.

The man rolls his eyes. "Sam, Sam, Sam, from what I hear, I'm not the only one to ever come back from the dead. Why are you so certain I'm lying?"

"Because a shapeshifter emulating an old woman attacked me yesterday. Sorry if I'm a little wary."

"Maybe you should give me the benefit of doubt."

"That could end up with me being dead." Even as he says this, Sam lowers his knife slightly. Samuel is right, but Sam is not sure he's ready to believe. He can hear the man out, though. "What do you want?"

"The others and I have been tracking the shapeshifter you’re following. We haven't been able to get too close, yet. We heard that you have an addition that may lure the shapeshifter to you."

Sam narrows his eyes. "Who are the others?"

"Some of your cousins: Gwen, Christian, and Mark."

"I didn't realize Dean and I had family still alive, especially family on Mom's side."

"You learn something new every day. So what do you say about some help?"

***

Sam still isn't sure if he trusts Samuel, but he needed help – especially with Castiel ignoring his prayers. He is taken to some kind of underground base and he meets his cousins. He likes Gwen right away, but he doesn't quite trust Christian. He's completely indifferent to Mark.

"Listen," Samuel gets in between what is brewing to be a fight between Sam and Christian.

Sam holds the baby shapeshifter close to his chest, refusing to relinquish him.

"Listen," Samuel continues when he sees he has the attention of everyone. "Christian and his wife have been trying for a baby. They will raise him and let him decide if he wants to be a hunter when he's old enough."

Sam scoffs. "You expect me to believe that? I heard all about how you raised my mom. Not only that, but I don't think a shapeshifter would make a good hunter, and I don't trust you guys to not probe and torture him."

"We wouldn't do that to anyone who's innocent. Also, with the skills he'd develop when he's older, he'd be unmatched," Gwen says.

"No, I don't trust any of you. I know how _I'm_ back from the dead, but I don't buy the idea you have no idea, Samuel. There are too many secrets surrounding you. I'm not giving this baby to any of you."

There is the sound of dogs barking outside, making the entire clan of hunters stand straight at attention.

"Check the back door. Downstairs, panic room. Go! He'll be safe there," Samuel orders.

Sam wants to argue, but there's no time. He leaves for the panic room, while the Campbell family gets their weapons ready and aims them at the door just as it's kicked in by a shapeshifter disguised as Samuel.

"You have something of ours," the shapeshifter growls and Sam hears it. He holds the baby tighter as he reaches the panic room.

In the panic room, Sam is pacing while trying to calm the baby. He knows his anxiety is not helping the baby, but he can't help it. Not for the first time, he's wishing Dean was with him. _Dean always knows what to do_ , Sam thinks mournfully.

There's gunfire upstairs then nothing. No yelling, no gunfire, complete silence. Sam knows to stay put though. He'll stay until one of the Campbells comes to get him.

There's a small window in the door and he sees the shapeshifter disguised as himself. Sam holds the baby to his chest as the shapeshifter tears the panic room door off of its hinges. He grabs his knife, but knows he'll be no match, especially while he's holding the baby.

He wonders fleetingly what happened to the Campbells, but he doesn't have time to dwell on it, not with the shapeshifter right in front of him.

"Give me the baby."

"No way!"

The Shapeshifter grabs Sam by the neck, raising him up the wall, feet dangling. Sam struggles to keep hold of the baby, but his grip goes lax as the shapeshifter squeezes his neck. The baby is taken away.

Sam struggles to break the shapeshifter's hold. He can't breathe and his vision is started to get fuzzy. There’s the sound of wings and suddenly Sam is dropped to the ground and flown out angel-style.

When Sam comes to his senses, he sees Castiel watching him closely. "You could’ve come a little sooner."

"I came as soon as I could."

"What happened to the other hunters that were there? Are they…" Sam swallows. "Are they dead?"

Castiel shakes his head. "There was no one else there."

Sam growls in frustration. "They left me! I can't believe they actually left me to face that too-strong-to-be-normal shapeshifter alone."

"That shapeshifter is an alpha," Castiel says.

Sam doesn't question how Castiel knows this. He has come to accept the fact that Castiel just sometimes knows this stuff because he's an angel. "If the lore is correct, the alpha of any monster is the first one of that particular species. The alpha is the first one that spawned all of the others."

"All monsters come from somewhere," Castiel says, his way of agreeing. "They're also known to be extremely strong. Thus, your explanation of it being too strong to be normal is correct. The alpha is the strongest of its species."

Sam sits on the bed, feeling dejected. "I let it take the baby. I wasn't strong enough to stop it."

"You did your best."

Sam's eyes meet Castiel's. He knows Castiel is trying to make him feel better. He's failing, but he's trying. "Thanks Cas. Sometimes my best just isn't good enough, though."

Castiel sits next to him, looking very stiff. He places his hands on top of Sam's. Sam squeezes the hand gently, trying to silently thank the angel for his support. With his other hand, he pulls out his phone and hits speed dial number one.

"Hello?"

"Hi Dean. Boy, do I have a story to tell you."

Castiel watches as Sam tells Dean what happened on the hunt: including the stuff with the Campbells and the information about alphas. Sam really needs his brother after the disaster of a hunt and thankfully Deans wants to listen.

**Chapter 4**

"So, your saying plagues from Egypt killed these officers?" Sam couldn't help the skepticism in his voice.

"That's correct. The plagues are blood, boils, and locusts. They're three of the more popular Egyptian plagues," Castiel explains.

"Are the angels causing this?"

Castiel shakes his head. "No, but they were committed with one of our weapons. There's only one thing that could have brought this into existence. You call it the Staff of Moses.

Sam's eyes widen, absorbing the new information. " _The_ Staff?"

Castiel picks up the jar of locusts. "It was used in a dominance display against Egyptians, as I recall."

"But-but I thought the Staff turned, like, a – a _river_ into blood, not one guy."

Castiel shrugs. "The weapon isn't being used at full capacity. I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect."

"Yeah, me too." Sam pauses, thinking about what he knows about the Staff of Moses. "What’s the staff doing down here, anyway? Don't you guys keep it locked up for safety reasons?"

Castiel gets a faraway look in his eyes. "Before the apocalypse, Heaven may have been corrupt, but it was stable. The Staff was safely contained." He sighs, weariness obvious in his voice. "It's been chaos up there since the war ended. In that confusion, a number of... powerful weapons were... stolen."

"That's not good. Wait! You said _weapons_ – as in plural. There’s more than one stolen?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. You've stumbled onto one of them. We must find the weapon that did this." Castiel indicates the jar of locusts. "You said you'd be here for me. I need your help."

"Of course. Anything I can do to help, I will."

"We need to move fast. You _do not_ want that weapon down here. More people will die if it is left down here."

Sam nods. "Okay. Well, if it's not the angels that are pulling this crap, we need to think about motive. Who would want these officers dead?"

"Okay?" Castiel is wearing a look of confusion.

Sam smiles at Castiel. "I’d been studying this case before I gave up and called you for help when I realized how weird it was. Right now, we got three dead cops. Only thing linking them... is this." Sam hands Castiel a newspaper clipping detailing how all three officers filed a report about supposedly being forced to shoot a kid. "The father of the slain suspect called for an investigation. I don't think he got it."

Castiel and Sam pop over to the Birch house, appearing suddenly in the living room. Sam sees all of the newspaper clippings that are strewn about on the coffee table.

Mr. Birch stands up, surprise evident on his face. "What the... how'd you get in here?!"

Sam puts on a smile that usually calms witnesses down; it's all dimples. "Mr. Birch, settle down." He shows his FBI badge. "Federal agents."

Mr. Birch takes on a defensive stance. "But you can't just walk in here!"

Sam ignores that. He gestures to the clippings. "Quite a collection you've got there, huh?"

"What are you trying to –?"

Sam interrupts and diatribe that might come forth. "Look, we know the truth, all right? Chris didn't have a gun on him when those cops shot him. They set him up."

Mr. Birch nods, looking very satisfied. "Yeah. They're all getting theirs."

"And who's giving it to them, Mr. Birch?" Sam asks, tone accusatory. Thankfully Castiel is staying quiet. His people skills still leave a lot to be desired.

Sam continues with the same tone. "Mr. Birch? Did you kill Toby Gray and the others?"

" _Me?!_ I didn't kill anyone! Look at how they died!"

Castiel decides to finally open his mouth. "You smote them with the Staff of Moses!"

Sam feels like smacking himself when Mr. Birch looks at Castiel oddly. "The hell kind of Fed are you?"

"We don't have time for this." Castiel steps up to Mr. Birch. "Where is it?

There’s a noise behind them and a young boy brandishes part of the Staff as if it were a gun. "Leave my dad alone!"

Castiel doesn't look too scared. "Is that...? Yes."

Sam tilts his head and he knows it's reminiscent of a common action done by Castiel. "Shouldn't it be bigger?"

Castiel nods. "Yes. It's – it's been sawed off."

"Leave him alone! It wasn't him!" the boy yells.

Sam rolls his eye. That much is obvious now, no need to say it.

"We know that now." Castiel obviously agrees even though he doesn't have the sense to keep his thoughts to himself.

"Aaron, get out of here!" Mr. Birch orders.

Castiel presses two fingers to Mr. Birch's forehead and the man falls back onto the sofa, unconscious.

"What did you do to him?" Aaron asks.

Sam glares at Castiel, but knows it's probably for the best. "It's all right. He's just sleeping."

Aaron points the staff at Sam and Castiel teleports next to Aaron, taking away the Staff.

"Cas, take it easy!" Sam orders. Speaking to Aaron, he tries to explain. "Listen, we're not here to hurt you, okay? But we need to know... where did you get this thing?"

Aaron is finally showing his fear. "Please don't kill my dad. It was me. I did it."

"Okay, nobody's killing anybody," Sam promises. "I need you to tell me Aaron, where did you get this?"

"You won't believe me."

"Try me," Sam says.

Aaron hesitates. "It was an angel."

Sam shoots a look at Castiel. "An angel?"

Aaron nods. "Those liars, they killed my brother, and nothing bad even happened to them. It's not fair. So I prayed to God every night that he would punish them. God didn't answer. But _he_ did."

"His name – did he give you a name?" Castiel asks.

Aaron shakes his head. "No. He just said I could have justice, but I was gonna have to take it myself. He... he gave me the stick."

Something about that just doesn't sit right with Sam. He just doesn't believe there were no strings attached. "He just... gave it to you? Ah, come on. He didn't just _give_ it to you, did he, Aaron?"

"I bought it," Aaron admits.

"You _bought_ it?" Sam chuckles. "With what? What's your allowance?"

"What did the angel want for it? What did you give him for it?" Castiel asks.

"My soul."

Sam is aghast. "You sold your soul to an angel?" He turns to Castiel. "Can that even happen?"

"It's never happened before – an angel buying souls. That could explain way he cut the Staff into pieces. More pieces, more product. We'll have to find this angel as soon as possible." Castiel presses his fingers to Aaron's forehead and he falls unconscious.

Before Sam knows what's happening – before he can even question Castiel – the two of them along with Aaron are back in Sam's motel room. Castiel places a still-unconscious Aaron on the bed.

Castiel ignores Sam's questions. "If the angel we seek truly bought this boy's soul; when a claim is laid on a living soul, it leaves a mark, a brand. I can read the mark and find the name of the angel that bought the soul."

"How?"

"Well, painfully for him. The reading will be excruciating," Castiel explains as if that little fact is of no importance to him.

"Cas, no! We'll find another way."

"Sam –"

"No, Cas. He's a kid. Just a kid. We'll find another way." Sam moves so he's standing protectively in front of the prone figure on the bed.

"Sam! If I get the name, I can work a ritual to track the angel down."

Sam shakes his head. He knows his eyes are flashing in their anger. Dean always said he was scary when he got truly angry and he is using that to his advantage. "I don't care! I'm all for finding the angel, but there's got to be another way. I won't let you harm him. It's torture and it's not right!"

Castiel looks just as angry. "I _can't_ care about that, Sam! I don't have the luxury."

Castiel moves towards Aaron and Sam intercepts him, staying in the middle. "I'm not letting you hurt him, Cas!"

"Then I'm afraid I don't have any other choice."

Before Sam can ask the angel what he means, Castiel's fingers are pressed to Sam's forehead, and then all Sam knows is darkness.

***

When Sam first wakes up, he's confused. Then his memories return and the confusion transforms into anger and hurt. Castiel is staring at him from across the room and Sam turns his head away as his sits up, not able to meet the angel's eyes. Without asking, Sam knows Castiel went ahead with his plan.

"Castiel," he says, voice soft and eyes still averted. "You've done a lot of things since Dean and I met you, things that were not exactly good, but we forgave you. You can't just make a decision to do something and then not listen to reason. You can't force your will upon others. It's not right. If you want my help, then you need to take into account my feelings. What I think matters and it was wrong to hurt a child. You don't get to shut me up by putting me to sleep. It doesn't work like that," Sam says, his voice revealing his anger the more he talked.

"I'm sorry," Castiel says.

Sam's eyes finally meet Castiel's. The angel looks apologetic enough, but Sam knows better. "No you're not, you don't think you did anything wrong."

"But you're upset, and that makes me feel sorry."

"It's not the same," Sam mutters, but doesn't bother getting angry again. It really isn't Castiel's fault that he doesn't get it.

"I did find out who the angel is. He was a good friend; I thought he died in the war. His name is Balthazar."

Suddenly an angel appears. "Balthazar. Thanks, Castiel. We'll make good use of the name." The angel attacks Castiel with an angel-killing sword. Castiel blocks it with his own. "And by the way, Raphael says hello."

The angel and Castiel fight in the room until the both of them lose their swords. They grapple with each other, and when Castiel seems to be getting the upper hand, the angel disappears.

Castiel turns to Sam who had moved so he was out of the fighting angels' way. "We need to summon Balthazar. Let's go."

Sam shakes his head. "I promised I'd help you and I will. Right now, I’m so angry with you, though. You made it seem like my feelings were unimportant. I can't be around you right now. If you don't want to wait to confront Balthazar, then you can do it without me. Just please leave. I need to be alone right now."

Castiel opens his mouth and Sam is preparing himself for a fight. Something changes though. It seems as if Castiel is truly looking at Sam because Castiel pops away.

Sam sighs, sitting back on his bed. He debates calling Dean and getting his advice about what to do where Castiel is concerned, but ultimately decides against it.

***

Sam is eating lunch the next day when his phone rings. Checking the ID, he almost doesn't answer it, but gives in. "What do you want, Dean?"

"I know I said I wouldn't call, but..."

"But?" Sam prompts.

"Castiel popped in for a visit. He said you’re very angry with him. He seemed pretty upset by that idea."

"I can't believe he went to you. He reminds me of a kindergartener who tattles."

Dean's chuckle is breathy and it makes Sam harden. He remembers that voice in the heat of passion. "You have to remember, although Castiel is a lot better about it, he might as well be a kindergartener when it comes to emotions."

"I guess."

"Listen, he told me what he did and he truly doesn't understand why it was wrong."

"He totally went against my wishes when it had to do with me!" Sam bites out angrily.

"Whoa, I didn't say I don't understand. I said _he_ doesn't understand. Maybe you could try explaining it to him calmly."

"Maybe," Sam says.

"I guess I should go. I just wanted to plead his case so he can stop moping and acting as if his puppy was killed."

Despite himself, Sam smiles. "Dean, thanks for trying to help. I'm sure we'll be fine. I just need to stew about it for awhile before I make things okay between us."

"You _were_ always the best emo kid of all time."

"Dean..."

"Yeah, Sammy?"

Sam hesitates. There's so much he wants to ask Dean. Why Lisa and Ben? Can they really give him what he wants? Why isn't Sam enough? But in the end, he doesn't. "Never mind. Just tell Cas to not worry about it. Tell him that I'll pray to him later."

"Will do."

They hang up, leaving a lot of things unsaid, but that is the Winchester M.O. Don't talk about feelings or anything even a little emotional.

**Chapter 5**

Boris grabs Sam and launches him through the air. Sam lands on the dumpster, hard, and rolls off into a pile of garbage bags. He takes a few moments to recover, his vision blurry. As Boris lazily approaches him, Sam, dazed, grabs hold of a large pipe and takes a swing at Boris, who ducks the attack easily. He soon has Sam pinned against the dumpster and begins punching him into submission. Boris pins Sam with his right arm, just below his throat; Boris then brings his left wrist up to his fangs and bites. Sam is helpless, unable to move; Boris smears his blood over Sam's mouth. Sam makes a guttural noise in protest, but can't defend himself. Sam knows some of Boris's blood has been swallowed.

Boris lets go of Sam, who collapses onto the ground. He grins, fangs stained with blood. "The worst fate of a hunter is being turned into something they hunt." He laughs and makes a "bye-bye" wave before running away and climbing up the wall and escaping. Sam lies on the ground next to the dumpster, panting, blood all over his mouth.

He forces his body up and somehow he manages to get back to his motel room before collapsing onto the bed. He lets his eyes close.

Sam holds his head. He's trying to block out the noises of the city. As a human he never noticed, but everything is so _loud_. It's almost unbearable. It feels like his head is being split wide open.

Sam gets up and turns the light off to at least make it easier on his eyes despite the noise being deafening.

Sam never thought he'd ever be turned into a monster. He knows he can't keep living. He might be in his right mind now, but eventually he'll cave and feed from a human. Sam's eyes darken at that thought. He'd killed a lot of humans when he'd used Ruby's knife, but at least something good happened. There are fewer demons out there in the world, now. If he killed a human to feed, it would be a senseless death.

Sam can't let that happen. Before the monster within him takes over, he needs to do the world a favor and just behead himself. "Maybe I should go see Dean..."

Sam wants to, with everything in him, but he can't. Sam's not sure he trusts himself to be in such close proximity with a human, especially a human he loves so much.

Sam is already starting to feel the stirrings of hunger and he closes his eyes. If he's going to kill himself, he needs to do it soon, before he loses control. Prior to killing himself, he decides to write a letter to Dean. Sam will make sure Castiel knows to give it to him after his death. No matter what came to pass between them, Sam doesn't want Dean to have to always wonder what happened to him. At least Dean will know the truth.

Just as Sam sits himself down at the table to write the letter, the sound of wings fills the room. Sam's emotionless eyes meet Castiel's emotionless eyes. "Now you show up. Where were you when I was a vampire's dish?"

"I was busy."

"You were _busy_. I'm going to become a vampire now. I can't live because if I do, I'll kill someone. I'm forcing myself to write a goodbye letter to Dean so he knows what happened. And all you can say is you were busy?"

"There's a civil war up in Heaven."

"I don't care!" And damn it, but Sam's voice sounds like a growl. "I'm making myself available to you whenever you need me. But you couldn't bother to show up when I was facing off against a vampire. Our friendship lately hasn't seemed very equal." Sam turns back to the still unwritten letter. "The least you can do is deliver the letter to Dean after I'm dead so my brother doesn't have to wonder."

"Why die when you can be cured?" Castiel questions.

Sam turns to face the angel once again. "What do you mean?"

"As an angel, I have knowledge that's not known to a lot of humans. There is a cure. Some humans know of it and some don't. The cure is kind of like soup. It's pretty painful, but as long as you don't feed on any humans, it will work."

"I'll be human again?" Sam has to ask again, making sure he's hearing correctly.

Castiel nods. "Most of the stuff I can get relatively easy. The trickiest thing on the list is blood of the vampire that turned you."

"That guy was _huge_."

Castiel shrugs. "The recipe isn't described as 'easy.'"

"I guess I can get the blood. No matter what, I'll get it."

***

In an alley, the vampire’s black SUV is parked in front of a warehouse. Two vampires exit the building through a metal-grate door. As it starts to swing shut, Sam attaches a rope to it, allowing him to keep the door open. He avoids the vampires and sneaks into the building.

Sam starts to sneak through the hallway of the run-down warehouse, when his way is suddenly blocked by another vampire.

The vampire turns out to be looking for Sam to lead him to where he needs to be. The vampire tries to make small talk and they go to a fridge where he pulls out a blood bag and hands it to Sam.

Sam can feel his mouth watering. He wants the cold, gooey substance so much, and hates himself for the new temptation. He shakes his head, ridding himself of the thought of even thinking about taking it. He won't become a blood drinking vampire, not again. Sam's mind flashes back to Ruby and lots of demons. "I'm okay. I've already fed."

The vampire seems to be uneasy. "Yeah, uh, about that... Company line is we…we don't just kill people anymore, so did you?"

Sam's smile is forced, but he nods. "I'll be more careful next time."

The vampire rips the stopper off the bag and takes a swig. Sam watches with rapt attention as if he's a man who hasn't had water in days and is being forced to watch someone down a frosty bottle of Evian. He eyes the blood bags once more but forces himself away. He follows the vampire down a flight of stairs, through a crowd of more vampires. Many of them snarl at him, causing Sam to stiffen his back, ready just in case they should attack.

"Don't worry about them. They're jealous. The recruiters get to bang all the chicks. That's YOU now, bro."

"Recruiters?"

"Yeah. Big man'll explain."

Sam now finds himself in what looks like the main room of an old bank. Seated at a desk, in front of a laptop, is a newly-turned vampire. Boris leans over her, a hand on her back.

Boris raises a finger. "Be with you in a minute." He dictates to the new vampire as she types into the computer. "'Your skin is the black velvet of the night.'" He chuckles. "Nice. Stupid bitch'll eat that up; she'll be _dying_ to meet."

Boris leans in closer and takes a long sniff of the vampire's hair, and she recoils. Sam looks and sees several newly-turned female vamps locked in cages, sucking down blood from bags.

"Go get yourself some blood, sweetheart. Then march that little ass right back here, okay?"

The vampire rises. She quickly locks eyes with Sam before exiting the room.

Boris lets his eyes stray from the vampire's ass and turns them onto Sam. "You eaten?"

"Yeah."

"Good. You'll need your strength."

"For?" Sam asks.

"Robert didn't tell you?" Boris snorts, sounding a little miffed. He gets up in Sam's face. "How old do I look?"

Sam pauses. "Thirty-three?"

"You're off...by about...six centuries? And these are the best days in the last six hundred years to be a vampire." Boris laughs and he starts to pace around Sam. "Dracula? Anne Rice? _Please_. These stupid little brats are so horny they've reinvented us as Prince Charming with a Volvo. They..." He reaches through the bars of one of the cages and grabs a vamp girl by the hair. "...want a promise ring with fangs, so I give it to 'em." The vamp girl snarls. "You – you go out and you get them, and you bring 'em home to _me_." He releases the vamp girl; she falls back with a cry.

"So what's with the cages?" Sam asks, looking at all of the poor girls that were misled. It gives a whole new meaning of the rule to not meet strangers you meet over the internet in person.

"Oh, that's just, y'know...till they're compliant. Eventually these girls will go out, and they'll fetch me boys like YOU, and around and around we go..."

Sam nods, doing his best to look pleased. "Gotta say, I'm impressed. This whole system, it's...it's all you?"

Boris laughs. "No, no, no, no....I just...implement, y'know? Make sure you all fall in line." He points to the ceiling with reverence. "It's HIS...our father's..."

Sam looks to where Boris is pointing. There's a huge stained glass decoration on the ceiling.

Sam needs more information. He's beginning to wonder what's going on with the monsters. First Sam dealt with the alpha shapeshifter. Now it seems as if Sam might be forced to deal with the alpha vampire. It feels like all of the monsters in the world are going crazy, deviating from their usual pattern. For example, monsters not even native to America have started cropping up in the States, causing havoc. "Your father's?"

"Aren't you the curious one?"

Sam smiles. "Oh, you don't know the half of it."

Boris leans in closer. Sam wants to step back, but doesn't. "In due time. You...you want the private tour, don't you?"

Sam feels sick. "Of course."

Boris beckons to Sam with a finger. Sam reaches into his pocket, withdraws the syringe of dead man's blood, and uncaps it. He raises it and plunges it into Boris, who drops to the floor. He takes a sample of blood.

Sam hurries, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. That doesn't happen when vampires swarm around Sam. With his machete ready, he begins dodging and swinging. He tosses vampires down the stairs and swings blindly, beheading every vampire that comes after him. Blood spatters on the wall.

Taking advantage of his new vampire abilities, Sam leaps straight over the railing, landing deftly on the ground below. The nest is quiet – he's killed everyone...almost everyone. His eyes dart back and forth, looking for his sire. Boris had still been down due to the dead man's blood. Since Boris didn't actively go after Sam, he wasn't beheaded, yet. Sam surveys the mess he's created.

"You've stopped _nothing_ , you know that?" Boris steps out into the open. "This is much bigger than you and me."

Sam readies the machete, and swings before Boris even thinks about running.

Sam walks out of the warehouse, feeling so, so thirsty. Castiel is there suddenly. "I have the cure, but it's going to hurt."

Sam nods. "Let's do it at the motel then, at least then I’ll be able to lie down."

They pop into the motel room. Castiel squirts a syringe of Boris's blood into a jar that holds the cure potion.

Sam feels famished and just wants the craving for blood to go away.

Castiel pours the potion into a coffee mug.

Sam holds out his hand. "All right, give me the cure." Castiel hands the mug to Sam, who takes a whiff and recoils. With a grim smile, he lifts the mug in a silent toast.

Sam chugs the potion messily, then tries to keep it down. Nothing happens. He spits a little bit out.

"I don't think it –" Suddenly he spins around as he retches and projectile vomits what appears to be blood into the waste basket.

Castiel watches in concern.

Sam finishes vomiting and struggles to take a breath. He raises his head, clutches his stomach, and moans in agony. His fangs have descended, and his eyes are bloodshot. He starts to get flashes of the evening, playing out in reverse...

Sam beheading Boris. Sam beheading all of the vampires in the vicinity.

Sam's face contorts in pain and he collapses on the ground, his body twitching...

Sam feeling angry at Castiel for not being there. Sam wanting the noises to all stop.

Sam continues to twitch, and he struggles to breathe...

Sam in the alley after he was turned, blood on his mouth. Sam fighting Boris. Boris smearing blood over Sam's lips. Castiel watching the attack. Boris roughing Sam up against the dumpster. Finally...Castiel looking satisfied as he watched Sam get turned.

Sam's eyes fly open – they're clear. The world is silent again. He tries to process what he has just remembered. He blinks a few times, and struggles to sit up. He can't believe that Castiel willingly allowed him to be turned. After everything the angel has done for him, he refuses to believe that. There has to be an explanation for what he saw.

Castiel is holding him. His eyes are gentle, cementing it even more in Sam's mind that what he saw in the alley was wrong. There has to be a deeper reason for it. Castiel cares for Sam. He didn't just throw him under the bus. Sam is certain of it.

Sam hugs Castiel, and after a brief hesitation, Castiel returns the hug even though he remains stiff. "Can you stay here tonight? I really don't think I can be alone right now?" He looks up at Castiel's face, giving the angel his best puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

Castiel nods. "I'll watch over you while you sleep."

Sam's smile is grateful. When he lays down Castiel is sitting next to him on the bed. Sam smiles, and lays closer. He knows Castiel will protect him throughout the night. That's all he needs to know to allow sleep to claim him.

**Chapter 6**

Sam jumps when Castiel appears. Castiel looks hurt, or at least as hurt as any angel can appear. "You haven't jumped in a long time."

Sam's smile is grim. Truthfully, he's been thinking about Castiel's odd behavior where the vampires were concerned. He hates feeling the way he does, but the truth is he's a bit uneasy around the angel now. He told Dean about what he suspects but Dean was very adamant that Castiel wouldn't betray him. Sam wants to believe that, he wants to believe that it's all a horrible misunderstanding, but there is a nagging doubt in the back of his mind and he can't get rid of it. As a hunter, Sam has learned to go with his gut instinct. Very rarely does his gut lead him astray.

He isn't ready to get rid of Castiel because, knowing the angel, whatever Castiel did, he believed he was doing it for the right reason. Sam knows in the long run that Castiel will be there when needed and if he’s learned anything from Dean, it’s loyalty. He just wishes Castiel would trust him with the truth.

Even though he isn't ready to give up on Castiel, Sam's going to be more careful around him for now on.

"My mind is a bit preoccupied," Sam supplies.

Castiel nods.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks when Castiel keeps silent.

"When the Campbells left you alone with the shapeshifter, I decided to keep an eye on them. They're hunting the alpha vampire."

Sam thinks for a moment. "They seem to be targeting the alphas. I wonder why."

"The best way to find out is find the alpha first."

"Or maybe I can help Samuel find the alpha. I don't trust him of course, but it would be safer in a group. If the alpha vampire is anywhere as strong as the alpha shapeshifter, it won't be easy to take it down. It’d be easier to work as a team. Let them think I'm coming around to their way of thinking, that I want to join the family. At least I'd know what their endgame is."

Castiel nods and Sam can tell he's pleased with the turn of events.

***

Sam faces the alpha vampire who's restrained. He tries to look menacing, but the alpha simply chuckles. "I got some questions for you. Sit tight because you're not going anywhere too soon."

"Don't be so sure."

Sam smirks. "With all that dead man’s blood rushing through your veins, I doubt you have enough anything to get away."

"Maybe, maybe not...Sam."

"Since when am I on a first-name basis with the head vampire?"

"Since you were my child... for a time. Sam, tell me... did you enjoy it?

"Shut up." Sam decides that he can't let the alpha vampire sidetrack him. Electricity crackles.

The alpha vampire looks more at ease with his predicament than he should. "When your kind first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark! Now you think you can hurt me? I have all night. Anyway, I'm happy to tell you whatever you want to know.

"Why?"

The alpha vampire's smile was truly scary. "Why? Because soon, I'll be ankle-deep in your blood, sucking the marrow from your bones.

"So you're really it. The first of your species."

"The very first."

Sam frowns in thought. "But if you're the first... who made you?"

"We all have our mothers. Even me."

Sam does not like the sound of that. "What does that mean?" The alpha vampire chuckles. "And what's with the big surge of vamps lately? I mean, it's like –"

"Like we're going to war."

Sam shakes his head, really not liking the sound of where this is going. "Why? What's going on? Why did Samuel bring you here?"

"Where do my kind go?"

"Don't try to derail me. Answer my questions," Sam says.

"I'm trying to answer the question. Now, when we monsters die... where do we go? Not heaven, not hell. So where?"

Sam shrugs.

The alpha vampire sighs. "Little rusty on your Dante, aren't you?

Something clicks in Sam's mind. He studied Dante at Stanford, and he remembers what he’d read. "Purgatory."

The alpha vampire chuckles. "You're not the stupid cattle I thought you were. Now, where is it? That is the mystery. And that is what your kindhearted granddaddy is trying to beat out of me."

"Samuel brought you here... to find out where Purgatory is?"

The alpha vampire nods. "I keep telling him – how would I know such a thing? But he refuses to untie me."

"Why does Samuel care about any of this?"

The alpha vampire make a tsking sound, as if he is talking to someone exceptionally slow. "He doesn't care; he does as he is told. The question you _should_ be asking is 'who's giving the orders?"

Suddenly there is the sound of a gun cocking and Samuel, along with the rest of the Campbells, is there. Pandemonium ensues when the alpha vampire escapes from its cage.

Before Sam knows what's going on, there is the sound of someone clapping and Crowley is there. "Well, that was dramatic."

Somehow, Crowley and Samuel know each other. Sam doesn’t like what he's finding out about his grandfather. Everything he finds out makes him see that he was right in not trusting the Campbells.

Samuel tries to excuse himself, but Crowley doesn't let him. "Your dear grandfather caught me this wonderful alpha."

Sam nods. "And all of the alphas they're going after are for you, right?"

"Ding, ding, ding. Give Sam Winchester a gold star."

"Why do you want Purgatory?"

"Isn't it obvious? Location, location, location. I'm a developer. Purgatory is vast, underutilized, and hell-adjacent; and I want it."

"What for?" Sam asks.

"None of your business." Crowley leaves.

Gwen turns to Samuel. "You're letting a demon call the shots?"

"Nothing's changed. We hunt. Period. Don't worry about him. I'll take care of it. You trust me or not? Get the van, Gwen."

Sam scoffs. "Working with a demon, huh?" There is the sound of metal clanging. "I wonder how my mom would have felt if she knew you are working with a demon. After all, you and your wife were killed by a demon. She was killed by a demon. Her husband was killed by a demon. Both of her sons went to Hell because of demons. Now you're business associates with a demon. It's like spitting on her and your wife's memory, not to mention her husband's memory."

"You don't know anything about me, son," Samuel snarls, anger in his eyes.

Sam shakes his head in disappointment. "I didn't trust you before, but this goes way beyond what even _I_ thought you were capable of. So, what's so important that you're the king of hell's errand boy, huh? What did he offer you?"

"I got my reasons. You gonna make a move, go ahead."

"Or what?"

"Or nothing. I'm not gonna do anything to you, Sam. You... you're my family. So the way I see it, you got two choices – Put a bullet in your grandfather or step aside."

Sam wants to kill him, even cocks his gun. In the end, though, he just can't. He doesn't have it in him. He steps aside.

When Sam gets back to the motel, he sees Castiel is waiting for him. "I'm going to kill Crowley if it's the last thing I do," Sam vows.

He turns away from the angel, ignoring the questions. He picks up his phone. He and Dean have been getting along better. It still hurts, knowing that Dean chose Lisa and Ben over him, but Dean always gives good advice, and that's what he needs right now. Dean always knows the right thing to do.

**Chapter 7**

Sam wakes up, bound to a chair. His mind is foggy as he tries to remember what happened. The last thing he remembers is walking back from the diner that's down the street from the motel where he's been staying. There's a noise, then nothing. By how much his head is hurting, it looks like he was probably knocked out.

He looks around and sitting in a chair, wearing the smug smirk that Sam has come to loathe, is the demon Meg. He decides to cut to the chase. "What do you want with me?"

Meg's smirk widens. "I think we both want the same thing. And maybe, we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement."

"What do we both want?"

"Crowley dead."

Sam perks up. "You're a demon; he's a demon. So why should I believe you want Crowley dead?"

"Because I don't want Crowley as King of Hell. You should remember that he wanted Lucifer gone. I'm a Lucifer loyalist. If I don't kill him first, he's going to kill me. He'll kill anyone who's a threat to his power and that's anyone on Lucifer's side."

"Why do you need me? Surely you can handle him all by yourself?"

Meg laughs darkly. "I found out he's planning something having to do with Purgatory. Whatever it is, you know it can't be good. I thought you'd want to make sure the plan is kaput. My mistake."

Sam rolls his eyes. She's right about that but he still doesn't trust her motives. He learned from past mistakes not to trust a demon, no matter what. "All you said is the reason I'd want to help you. You didn't answer me about why you want me to go with you."

"Fine, I can't find Crowley – can't locate him. You have a connection to Crowley through the family you never knew you had."

"A family that knows I don't trust them," Sam reminds her.

"Make them want your help, then. I know it goes against your morals, Moose, but lie if you have to. You want Crowley gone as much as I do. We can help each other make it a reality."

"I'll do it, but I get to come with you. You don't kill any humans that might be involved and I get the information I need first."

"As long as I get to be the one to kill Crowley."

"Deal," Sam says.

"Deal," Meg echoes.

They stare each other down.

"So, am I gonna be untied anytime soon?"

Meg turns and begins walking to the door. "Stavros, untie the man."

Fathomless eyes meet his as one of Meg's demons do the deed.

Sam heaves a put upon sigh. _I can't believe I'm working with a demon once again, especially after Ruby. What would Dean say?_ Sam forces the thought away. Dean's not here; he doesn't get a say anymore.

***

Sam wants to try to avoid going to Samuel. He'd rather not have anything to do with the man who's supposed to be his maternal grandfather. He tries Castiel first.

"Cas, I don't trust Meg, especially because she's the one who killed Ellen and Jo."

"Then why are you working with her?"

"Need help, but the minute we're done, I'm putting a knife in her chest," Sam says resolutely.

"That's not going to promote future partnerships."

Sam looks at Castiel as if he's nuts. "I don't want future partnerships. I don't want a present partnership. If I don't kill her, she'll kill me. It's the hunt or be hunted philosophy. We're only working together because we don't have a choice. Anyways, I need you to try to locate Crowley, maybe using some kind of ritual. I'd rather avoid going to the Campbells if I can."

Castiel tries to work a ritual that Sam has never seen. He shakes his head, looking dejected. "Crowley is hidden from me. This won't work."

Sam massages his neck. "I was afraid of that. Looks like we're gonna have to try this the hard way."

***

Samuel catches Sam and Castiel searching Samuel's study for clues. "What do you want?"

Only Sam's trained hunter instincts keeps him from jumping. "We wanna know where Crowley is."

"If I even knew, why would I tell you?"

"You're supposedly my grandfather, and if there's one thing my dad taught me, it's that family's everything."

"I can't help you. I’m sorry."

"Why? Do you wanna work for Crowley? What could possibly be more important than helping your grandson? What’s Crowley holding over you?" Sam asks.

Castiel watches on, keeping silent.

Samuel takes out a picture of young Mary and hands it to Sam.

"Mom?"

Samuel nods with a sad smile full of heartbreak. "He’s gonna give her back to me."

"Crowley’s gonna bring mom back from the dead?"

"You tell me you don’t want her back," Samuel challenges.

Sam looks back at the photograph and doesn’t answer. He always wondered what she was like. Whenever he asked about her as a kid, all Dean and his father would tell him is that she died pinned to the ceiling above his crib, being consumed by fire. He never knew her favorite food, favorite music, what her personality was like, nothing. He only ever knew the way she died. He would love to be able to know the real her.

"You know, the one difference between us is you know how to live without her. In fact, you don't even remember her."

"Look, I lost the girl I was going to ask to marry me the same way. I know how you feel."

"No, you don’t. She’s my daughter and she’s dead, and I can do something about it."

"Do you really think Crowley is gonna make good here?" Sam scoffs.

"He brought me back."

Sam nods. "Yeah, because he needed you. As soon as you outlive your usefulness, you'll be discarded like yesterday's trash. Trust me, don't go down that road."

"What are you saying?"

 "I'm saying Dean, my father and I have made the same mistake of making deals with demons to save family. This is how the bad guy gets us every time. It's our Achilles' heel. Apparently it runs in both the Winchesters and the Campbells. We’ll figure something else out, okay?"

"I’m sorry Sam, but I –"

"Fine. Bring her back. But what are you gonna tell her? You gonna tell her you made a deal with a demon? That you wouldn’t help out her son?"

"That’s enough!" Samuel shouts. He continues quieter. "Just get out."

***

Sam is knee deep in research while Castiel is watching television. Sam can hear the television but it's nothing more than background noise. He doesn't even know what Castiel is watching.

His concentration is broken by Castiel. "It’s very complex."

Sam looks up. "What is?"

Castiel's eyes stay focused on the television. "If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she’s done something wrong."

Sam opens his mouth. He really doesn't want to have ‘The Talk’ with an angel. Instead, he focuses on the present; he'll worry about the birds and the bees later on. "You're watching porn? Why?"

"It was there."

Sam massages his forehead as he leaves the table. He turns the TV off. "I'm begging you, don't watch porn."

Castiel looks down at his lap and Sam's eyes follow. He can see Castiel's erection, and Sam is surprised to feel his body responding. If Sam was to ever label his sexuality, he would say he is straight and Dean-sexual. If that was true though, no way should Sam be so turned on by Castiel.

Sam looks hard at Castiel. He always thought Castiel was good-looking, but in a nonsexual way. Lately, Sam can admit, even if it's only to himself, that he's been looking at Castiel in a similar way that he looked at Dean. Maybe it's because the two of them have spent so much time together after Lucifer's cage. Castiel saw Sam at his absolute lowest point, and still, he didn't turn away. In Sam's eyes, that counts for something.

Sam doesn't know what to do about the building attraction he feels for Castiel. Normally he'd never act on it, but the way Castiel looks at him sometimes, it makes Sam feel like it wouldn't be totally unwanted. Then again, Castiel _is_ a centuries old virgin. He may not even realize he's sending out signals.

Sam swallows as he eyes the erection he can see even though Castiel's trench coat is over it. He wants so much to touch, but holds himself back.

He wishes he could talk to Dean about it, but he doesn't think that's a good idea. Part of him would love the idea of Dean getting jealous and deciding he wants Sam instead of Lisa. Another part wants Dean's honest opinion about what he should do where Castiel is concerned. Sam's not sure which part is larger.

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. He tears his eyes reluctantly away from Castiel's lap and sees the angel staring at him, a thoughtful expression on his face. He fights to keep the blush down as he answers the door.

He's surprised by who's at the door. "Samuel, why are you here?"

"It’s what Mary would want. Now, this is what I know. Whatever we bag ends up there." He shows them a map with a location marked. "That’s where he tortures ’em, interrogates ’em, I don’t really know. Only been outside the place, but it’s a death trap. Nothing gets in that Crowley doesn’t want in and nothing gets out, period."

Sam nods. "Thanks."

"I wish you wouldn’t do this."

"Well, wishes don't always come true."

***

Sam and Castiel meet Meg and her demons outside of the motel. The demon that untied him from the chair is scowling at them. Sam notes that there's obvious tension between Meg and Castiel. Sam wants to ask, but there's no time. "We know where Crowley is."

"Great. Do tell."

Sam shakes his head. "I don't think so. If we tell you, you leave us for dead."

"You have serious abandonment issues, don't you? But then, everyone leaves you: your daddy, your brother, your girlfriend, no one can stand to stay around you, can they? Some even use death to escape, don't they?"

Sam clenches his fists. Part of him believes Meg's words to be true, but he won't let the bitch onto that fact, so he ignores her barb. "We'll show you, alright? But we’re all going together."

"What, I’m just supposed to trust you?"

"No, you’re not that stupid. Give me the knife for a minute," Sam demands.

"No, I’m not that stupid," Meg retorts.

"Do you want us to take you to Crowley or not?"

Meg hands Sam Ruby’s knife. He uses it to kill the demon that was scowling at him earlier.

"You saw him. He was more interested in killing us than getting the job done. I just did all of us a favor."

"Hey! You just gonna keep that?"

Sam smirks. "You took this from Dean and me; I’m taking it back. We leave in one hour."

An hour later, Sam is all packed and ready for a hunt. He and Castiel lead the demons into the prison. It's quiet. It seems way too easy.

As they creep through a hallway quietly, dogs are heard barking. Sam stiffens. He knows that sound. It haunts his nightmares as he remembers Dean being torn apart right in front of him. "Hellhounds," Sam whispers. He shakes himself out of the memory. "Let's go!"

They run for the nearest set of doors, wedge them shut with a piece of wood and draw a salt line. The two demons who were accompanying Meg didn't make it and are ripped apart by the hellhounds on the other side.

"I think this was a trap," Castiel says matter-of-factly.

Sam doesn't answer, but Meg does. "No kidding, Cupcake."

Sam interrupts what might evolve into an argument. "Alright, that’ll keep them out, but not for long."

"There are a lot of them out there. This is what we're going to do; I’ll be the decoy. Them chewing up my meatsuit ought to buy you a few seconds. Seacrest out." Meg tries to vacate her host body, but can’t.

Castiel tilts his head slightly. "A spell, I think, from Crowley. Within these walls you’re locked inside your body."

Sam takes out Ruby’s knife and thinks his idea over. He doesn't want to give up the knife again, but he realizes there is no other choice. It might be their one chance for survival. "You can see them, Meg. Take this, hold them off. It's our best shot."

Meg shakes her head. "At Crowley. Take it and go. You kill the smarmy dick, I’ll hold off the dogs."

"How?" Sam asks.

Meg grabs Castiel by the neck and kisses him, at the same time removing his sword. Castiel pushes her up against the wall and returns the kiss with interest.

Sam looks away, feeling the uncomfortable ache of jealousy. He doesn't like seeing Castiel kiss anyone. It doesn't sit right with Sam. He especially doesn't like seeing Castiel enjoy a kiss, at least if it's with someone other than Sam

"What was that?" Meg asks, and Sam turns back to face the pair.

"I learned that from the pizza man."

"Well, A plus for you. I feel so … clean. Okay, gotta go." Sam wants to ask if the angel blade will even work on a hellhound, but doesn't get the chance as she yells, "Run."

The boys take off as Meg faces the shaking doors and prepares to fight the hounds.

Sam and Castiel get to a stairwell and it's very dark. Suddenly, there's a blinding light and Castiel vanishes. Sam turns and sees Samuel, who just banished him with a blood sigil.

"You sold us out?" A demon appears behind Sam, holding onto him. "Damn you, Samuel."

"Yes. And I have to say, best purchase I’ve made since Dick Cheney."

Sam is thrown into a cell. He looks at the ground and tries to not think about what he's standing in.

A little window in the door is opened from the outside by Samuel.

"You want forgiveness, you're barking up the wrong tree."

"I just want you to understand," Samuel says.

"There's no way I could ever understand. You chose a demon over your grandson." Sam chooses to ignore the fact that he too chose a demon over a family member. He doesn't like being compared to Samuel Campbell. "There's no excuse for that, and I'm sure my mom would agree with me."

"See it how you want. I don’t even know who you are. You’re a stranger. No, really, tell me: what exactly are you supposed to be to me?"

Sam smiles, but there's no humor behind it. "I’ll tell you who I am. I’m the guy with the older brother that you never wanna meet. If he ever finds out what you did, you'll be wishing for death by the time he's done with you."

"Dean will understand."

Sam laughs. It truly is a hilarious statement. He obviously knows nothing about the Winchester brothers to think Dean will ever understand someone who hurts Sam. "Whatever gets you through the night."

After Samuel leaves, Sam begins pacing in his cell, then squats down and bites into his arm at the wrist, drawing blood. A few minutes after he finishes, demons enter Sam's cell.

Sam hides his smile.

"We have some plans for you," one of the demons says.

"And it involves ghouls," the other says.

Sam lets his smile show as he points to the ceiling. There's a devil's trap painted in his own blood; the demons are trapped.

Sam leaves to find Meg and sees her being tortured by the demon in Christian Campbell. He knows when she sees him because she begins laughing. Behind the demon, Sam grabs the knife out of his hand and stabs him in the back. He quickly unties Meg. "Let's go."

Sam and Meg come up with a plan and Sam sounds the alarm. It brings Crowley who is not happy to see Sam free. "You should be having fun with the ghouls by now."

Meg knocks Crowley down from behind and he finds himself within a devil's trap.

"I want some information. What do you want with Purgatory?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

Sam nods to Meg who uses her powers to torture him.

"You still want to keep quiet on the subject?"

Crowley stays tightlipped. Even with Meg's skills in torture, the questioning goes nowhere quick. Sam can only hope that when Crowley's dead, his plans are ruined.

He hands Meg the knife. She goes to enter the devil’s trap.

"You’ll let me back out, right?" Sam nods. To Crowley, Meg says, "This is for Lucifer, you pompous little –"

Crowley takes her down in an instant and uses the knife to break the devil’s trap. He pins Sam to a wall.

"That’s better. Your brother might have been Alastair's star pupil, but you, Moose, don’t know torture."

Castiel reappears suddenly. "Leave them alone."

"Castiel, haven’t seen you in awhile."

"Put the knife down."

"You that bossy in Heaven? Hear you’re losing out to Raphael. The whole affair makes Vietnam look like a roller derby. Hey, what’s in the gift bag?"

Castiel takes a skull out of the bag he's holding. "You are."

"Not possible."

"You didn’t hide your bones as well as you should have," Castiel says smugly.

Crowley claps mockingly. "Cookie for you."

Castiel incinerates Crowley’s bones. Crowley goes up in flames and Meg vanishes into thin air.

"Well, she’s smart, I’ll give her that. I'm not sure if I was gonna kill her, though." He looks at Castiel."Although, if you wanted some time with her, I'd have given it to you." Sam tries to not let the bitterness seep into his voice.

"Why would I want that?" Castiel asks and Sam feels warmth in his heart.

Sam and Castiel get outside of the prison. Sam is feeling tired and just wants to sleep for a few hours but first, he owes Castiel a thank you. "Thanks Cas. If it hadn't been for you, I'm not sure I would have come out of it unscathed."

Castiel nods. "Crowley was right. It’s not going well for me upstairs."

"You know I'll do anything I can to help. Just ask."

"There isn’t anything you can do. I wish circumstances were different. Most of the time I’d rather be here. With you." Sam swears he sees a slight flush on Castiel's cheeks.

Sam tries to look composed, even as his thoughts are going haywire. "Look, Cas, I know you got a lot to worry about. There’s no need for apologies. I'm your friend; I'll always be your friend."

Sam and Castiel share a look. Sam wants to kiss him so badly. With the way Meg enjoyed it, Castiel must be one hell of a kisser, especially for someone so inexperienced. Sam doesn't, though. "There’s something I need you to do. There's a prison full of monsters. Can’t just leave ’em, can’t let ’em go."

"I understand." Castiel disappears with a flutter of wings.

Sam stands there for a moment, staring unseeingly at his car. His feelings for Castiel are so inappropriate it's not even funny. He's an angel of the Lord, goddamn it. Sam just doesn't know what to do.

***

That night, Sam calls Dean. "You remember our back-from-the-dead grandfather?" Sam asks right away, barely letting Dean get out a 'hello."

"Yeah?"

"He's an asshole."

"You've told me that. You've also told me that you don't trust him, so why are you bringing him up?"

Sam's sigh sounds long-suffering, even to his own ears. "I needed to know Crowley's whereabouts so I was forced to rely on his information. He sold me out to Crowley, though. He told the bastard I was coming. Frankly, if it hadn't been for Cas, I'm not sure I would have made it out alive."

"I swear, grandfather or no grandfather, if I ever see the guy, he's dead."

Sam smiles before muttering, "I should have killed the guy when I had the chance."

"That's not you, Sammy. You've never been able to kill a human, even when you know you should. You have too much compassion. It's a weakness as a hunter, but it's also part of your charm."

"Thanks, Dean," Sam says wryly. "Was that a compliment or an insult?"

"A little of both I guess."

Sam thinks about telling Dean about the thing growing between him and Castiel, but decides not to. He's not going to bring it up until he himself is sure of what it is. The rest of the conversation is light, something Sam is getting used to. His heart still hurts a bit and he knows a part of himself will always be in love with Dean, but Sam is starting to see that he might be able to live without his brother also being his lover, especially when there's a new potential lover looking promising on the horizon.

**Chapter 8**

"Anyways, some guy bashes his family's heads in, but blacks out. Dean, this is seriously a weird one."

"What's so weird about it? Sounds like either a demon possession or a ghost?"

"That's what Bobby and I originally thought, but we saw a surveillance tape at the police station. Some girl approaches the guy. The girl's face in the footage is hideous, like out of a nightmare. Bobby thinks she might be the big mama, as in the mother of all monsters, especially with all of the vamps and ghouls out on 1-80.

"Any idea how to kill her?"

"Nope, Bobby says if we see her, we run, since there's no real information on her yet."

"But whatever is causing these guys to go mental has to do with her?"

"Yes," Sam says. "We don't have any idea what the monster is though and we got another guy who went crazy down at the Cannery. It ended up being six dead."

"What did the guy do?"

Sam sighs. "According to the police officer, the guy walks in, pulls a hunting rifle and just starts shooting."

"The case definitely won't be easy, if only because you're dealing with uncharted territory where the mother is involved."

"What do I do? Bobby and Rufus are here, but –"

"Call Cas. It won't be bad to have some angel mojo on your side, especially when you're dealing with something unknown."

"Bobby is used to Cas, but Rufus might have trouble working with something supernatural, even if he’s on our side."

"Tell him to suck it up. All of you will be better with Cas there."

"That's the only insight you have?" Sam asks, hoping for more.

"Sorry I couldn't be more help."

Sam considers telling Dean about his growing feelings for Castiel once again, but knows there's no time to get into it. He ends the call and then prays for Castiel.

***

Sam and Castiel wait while Rufus and Bobby go into the autopsy room. Sam is thankful that despite his initial suspicion concerning Castiel, Rufus decides to trust both Bobby’s and Sam's judgment.

When the older hunters come out of the room, their expressions are grim. Bobby explains gruffly, "One of the things we saw was blue goo." Sam opens his mouth, but Bobby doesn't let him get a word in. "And no, it's not ecto, but something new."

Rufus nods. "The common link between all of the guys who snapped is they all worked at that Cannery joint, so that's where we're starting.

***

As the four enter the warehouse, they encounter Samuel and Gwen. Castiel takes off suddenly. Sam can't focus on that right then but he will be having some words with the angel in the future. Sam’s and Bobby's welcome is less than warm and Rufus looks between the two groups. "I take it you know each other."

Sam nods. "He's my grandfather who decided to sell me out to a demon."

"Oh. Somebody needs a hug."

Bobby ignores Rufus's jibe. "Why are you here?"

"We're working. You?" Samuel asks.

"The same reason. Looks like we're on the same case," Sam answers, trying to keep emotion out of his voice.

"So...you're Samuel," Bobby says. He's been told all about the resurrected grandfather, first by Sam and then by Dean ranting about the guy not knowing the meaning of family.

"You must be the guy pretending to be their father."

"Well, somebody ought to," Bobby retorts.

Rufus butts in. "I, uh, really hate to break up this little circle of love, but why don't we talk shop, huh? How about you tell us what it is you're hunting? Just to make sure we are on the same page."

"A creature from Purgatory. She calls herself Eve."

"Eve?" Sam asks.

"Yep. They call her mother. She was here about 10,000 years ago. Every freak that walks the face of the earth can be traced back to her. And she's back."

"We were right," Bobby says.

"I'll be right back," Rufus says. He doesn't say why he's leaving; he just does.

The group waits. Rufus is taking his time.

"I'll go see what's up," Gwen says, obviously feeling the tension and wanting to get away from it. The atmosphere really _is_ stifling.

Moments later there is the sound of a gunshot, causing the others run out of the room. Gwen is lying on the ground. Sam kneels and checks for her pulse, and then he gets back up to look for Rufus.

In the background, he hears Bobby talking about doing CPR chest compressions while plugging up the gaping hole in her chest.

When Sam can't find Rufus right away, he goes back to the huddled group. "Is she, uh...?"

"Where's Rufus?"

"I couldn't find him. Whatever got into those guys must have got into Rufus."

Bobby nods. "Samuel and I will move her somewhere. Afterwards, Sam and I will lock down here. We're gonna want to find Rufus before he finds us."

 After Bobby helps move Gwen, Sam and he walk through the Cannery, locking doors. All three men search. Bobby dials Rufus's cell-phone and then hears it ring. Sam spots Rufus.

"Rufus, put that damn thing down." Samuel runs over, aiming his gun at Rufus who points his gun at Samuel. "Rufus, put it down."

Rufus keeps his gun trained on Samuel. "You're the least of my worries right now, Samuel."

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." Sam wants to calm everyone, but doesn't know how to go about it.

"Okay, both of you," Bobby says calmly.

"Both of us, my ass," Samuel says.

Rufus shakes his head. "I'm not in the mood. I just had a 12-inch...worm crawl out of my ear."

"What?"

"You heard me. I woke up on the ground, just in time to see this – this...worm thing sliding out of my freaking ear and into that vent. So you tell me what the hell's going on?!"

"You killed Gwen. That's what's going on," Samuel answers.

"The the last thing I remember is her coming to find me out in the hallway. Then nothing."

Bobby nods thoughtfully. "So, we're talking about, like, a monster that gets in you and possesses you? It sounds like a form of demon, or at least something similar."

"It's like a Khan worm on steroids."

"You mean like a parasite, something that took over your body?" Sam states.

"Worm crawls in you, worm crawls out. Monster possession," Rufus says.

They wonder if the worm is still within Rufus, but there's no way to tell. Bobby commands everyone to give up their guns. Bobby's line of thought goes something like they don't know who is and who ain't got the worm up inside his head. They go back into the room and lock their weapons in a locker.

Castiel is suddenly back with a flutter of wings. Sam glares. "We need to discuss your leaving at impromptu times with no warning. One of us is dead."

Castiel nods, looking at least a little guilty.

Samuel gets up and Sam blocks his path "Relax. Bathroom break. So unless you want to hold it for me..." Samuel leaves the room. Sam and Cas follow him. Sam doesn't trust the man and is going to keep a close eye on him.

They wait for him outside of the bathroom by a row of lockers.

"What?" Samuel asks upon seeing them.

"Nothing. I'm just wondering how you sleep at night."

"Like a baby. Thanks for asking."

Sam shakes his head. "You fed me to Crowley."

"True, but what am I gonna do about it now? Do I blame you for wanting to kill me? Of course not, Sam. What I did was...but I'm not apologizing. I did what I did. I don't cry over spilled blood."

"So you really can just go on, like..."

Samuel shrugs. "That's what hunters do. If they cried every time they spilled blood, if they focused on it every single time, they'd probably kill themselves. You’ve been hunting your whole life. You shouldn't be so soft-hearted still."

"Dean says it's part of my –" Sam stops when he sees goo coming from Samuel's ear. Samuel pulls his gun, and Sam grabs his arm, angling it up. Samuel fires but the shot misses. He shoves Sam against the lockers, but can't do the same with Castiel due to his angel status.

Castiel teleports so he's right in front of Samuel when the old man tries to flee.

Bobby and Rufus come running.

"I heard a shot."

"Samuel!" Sam says.

The three look just in time to see Castiel snap Samuel's neck.

"Cas, you don't just kill hunters. That's asking for trouble within the hunting community."

"He deserved it," Castiel says matter-of-factly.

"He had a monster in his head –"

"He tried to kill you," Castiel interrupts. "Not just this time when he was possessed, but he led you into Crowley's trap. He didn't have the same excuse then."

Sam can see there won't be any getting through to Castiel, not when he has his mind made up. He looks at Bobby and Rufus, shrugging.

There had been no sign of the worm leaving Samuel's body. Rufus and Bobby take off to get some tools from the car.

They're told if anything crawls out of Samuel's ear, step on it.

"I wonder, if being stepped on can actually kill something that powerful?" Sam muses out loud.

When Bobby and Rufus return, Sam and Castiel leave the room. Sam is watching through the door's window.

Bobby and Rufus begin sawing Samuel's head and his eyes open. Samuel fights Rufus and Bobby and throws them both off of him. He breaks off a table leg and shoves it through the door handles.

"Castiel!" Sam shouts.

Just as Castiel forces the doors open – thank you Lord for angel magic – Bobby throws Samuel against the frayed cable and Samuel is electrocuted. The Kahn worm, the thing that probably animated Samuel, leaves the man.

After the dust settles, they realize in all of the chaos, they lost sight of the worm and it could be in any one of them. It's decided that they'll need to electrocute each other.

Sam wonders if Castiel is able to be controlled by a monster. He doubts it and speaks his doubts out loud to the others. They agree that he's not a likely candidate because angels don't have souls.

Sam then holds the cable against his own arm, having no reaction to the electricity except the normal amount of discomfort. Rufus is hesitant, but allows Sam to hold the cable against his arm; he's worm free as well. Rufus takes the cable from Sam, ready to repeat the experience with Bobby who's more than just a little hesitant. Rufus sees through the act and know it's not really Bobby and Bobby confirms that he has the worm inside of him when he stabs Rufus in the chest.

"Bobby!" Sam screams. Rufus falls forward and Sam catches him, lowering him to the ground. "Rufus."

Sam and Castiel tie Bobby up and Castiel steps back. He seems to realize that Sam wants to handle this part alone.

Sam holds the cable against Bobby's neck, staying silent. Witty remarks have always been Dean's forte.

Bobby's smile is smug. "I’m very comfy. It's nice in here. And you love this guy, don'tcha? You really want to kill me and take him with me? Haven't you lost enough pals today?"

"We'll do what we have to do. And we got some questions for you, so we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"Ask. Been waiting for you to ask."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Bobby shrugs.

"What are you?"

"You haven't got a name for me yet. I'm new around here. Eve cooked me up herself."

Sam holds the cable to Bobby's neck again. "Who is she, this Eve bitch?"

"The mother of all of us and the end of all of you. By the time she's done, there'll be more creatures than humans. You'll live in pens. We'll serve up your young and call it veal. Also, I have a message for you from Eve. You're all gonna die. She's pissed. She's here. And it's gonna be nothing but pain for you from here on in."

Sam tries to hide how the words affect him. "Well, here's my response." He holds the cable to Bobby's neck again, consciously aware of how much Bobby can handle.

"You can't kill me, not without taking him with me."

Castiel steps forward. "You have to do what Bobby would want you to do. I may not know the man as well as you do, but even I know what that would be."

Sam nods and wraps Bobby's mouth and ears shut with duct tape. "No way out now." He holds the cable to Bobby's neck until he sags forward. "Bobby?" He starts to peel of the duct tape and the Khan worm falls out, dead. "He's not breathing. Bobby!"

***

They're at the cemetery and Sam is silent as Bobby reminisces about Rufus.

"He didn't exactly keep kosher. He always used to pull the old "can't work on the Sabbath" card whenever we had to bury a body. You know, I-I was just a job. I was Joe mechanic. Then my wife got possessed...went nuts on me. I stabbed her, and that didn't stop her. Next thing I knew, this guy comes busting in, soaks her with holy water, and sends that demon straight to hell so fast. I'd have gone away for killing her. But... Rufus cleaned up everything. Taught me a thing or two about...what's really out there. Pretty soon, we were riding together. Worked like that for years, kind of like you and Dean."

"So, what happened?"

"It was Omaha. It was my fault. And he never let it go."

Castiel nods solemnly. "It's sometime hard to let losses go, no matter how much one might want to. Life, especially for a hunter, is too short to dwell on the losses."

Sam nods. He wonders if Castiel's words are for him as much as for Bobby. Dean might be alive but he's still lost to Sam in a way. Maybe it is time to move on, to experience life to the fullest. He looks up, taking in Castiel's stoic features, wondering how his face would look when he's lost in passion. Maybe Castiel is the one he can move on with.

Bobby takes out a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and pours some on the grave, and then takes a swig himself.

***

Things happen. For one thing, Sam gets sent to an alternate timeline of sorts. Sam isn't really sure, but one thing of the past is changed which changes everyone’s lives, including Sam’s. That this was that the Titanic; the angel Balthazar stopped it from sinking for some inane reason. Unbelievably, just because of that one thing was prevented, thousands of people are saved, Bobby and a very much alive Ellen are married, Sam and Dean still hunt together, and the brothers never fell in love with each other.

After that, someone goes about causing bizarre deaths to the people who were aboard the Titanic and their descendents, people who should have died or who should never have been born. It turns out to be Atropos, one of the Fates sisters in Greek Mythology.

She kind of has a hate on for Sam and Dean because they keep escaping death. They stopped the Apocalypse and made her a laughing stock by throwing out the rule book.

She tries to kill Sam and Dean, but Castiel steps in and saves them.

There's some kind of confrontation between Castiel and Atropos. Castiel tells them what happen, and he says that he convinced Balthazar to restore the timeline, but the brothers would still remember the change.

Before Sam is aware of what's happening, the timeline is restored. Ellen is dead, Bobby is alone, Dean is with Lisa, and Sam is back to hunting alone with the occasional aid from Castiel.

Now that everything is back to normal, Sam knows Castiel didn't tell them everything that was said. After working closely with Castiel for so long, he knows when Castiel is not being completely honest, something that the alternate reality Sam didn't have the benefit of.

Castiel finds him while he's moping about his lot in life. Sam starts talking without being prompted. "It was nice to have Dean as my hunting partner again. Things would have been so much simpler if we’d never started have sex."

Castiel shakes his head. "It was not just sex to the two of you. You were in love with each other. Nothing is worth more than love."

Sam shrugs. "My love wasn't enough for Dean, though. I wonder how he's handling being back in this timeline."

"Maybe you should call him?"

Sam shakes his head. "Maybe later."

Castiel moves so he's standing in Sam's line of vision. "A lot of your memories of Dean are ones that involve sexual intercourse. Would you want to trade all of those good memories just because things didn't work out the way you wanted them to?"

"No, I just wish I had my brother back."

"He's still your brother."

Sam sighs. "Not in the same way as before. I just wish I wasn't so alone all the time."

Sam swears he sees hurt flash in Castiel's eyes. He's not sure because it's gone as fast as it was there.

He stands up, puts a hand on Castiel's arm. "I didn't mean you're not good company; I just miss Dean. I miss having someone hold me at night. I miss having someone I can kiss and love."

Castiel's eyes seem to soften. Sam's breath is caught in his throat when Castiel moves his lips just a little bit closer. Sam returns Castiel's action by moving his lips a little closer. He's sure they're about to kiss; they’re so close to each other. Suddenly Castiel backs away, eyes wide, and he's gone with a flutter of wings.

Sam sits back down, feeling forlorn. He's sure Castiel wanted to kiss him, but then it didn't happen. Maybe he will call Dean after all. Maybe it's finally time to tell him about his increasing feelings for Castiel. Maybe Dean might have an idea about what Sam should do.

**Chapter 9**

When Sam asks about whether Crowley is still alive, Castiel wants to tell him the truth; he almost does. But then he thinks about what Raphael and the other angels are trying to do. Both Sam and Dean sacrificed so much to stop the Apocalypse and Castiel can't let the angels start it again. He's not sure if Sam would survive having to deal with it again, and he can't let anything happen to him.

Castiel used to think that it was he and Dean that shared the profound bond. After all, he did mark Dean when he pulled him out of Hell and Castiel only tolerated Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood, for Dean's sake. But then, he got to know Sam Winchester. He got to know how strong and resilient he is. So many bad things have happened to him. He grew up in the hunter's life, a life he hated and when he tried to get away, his girlfriend was killed, dragging him back into it. He dealt with his father dying and having to help Dean deal with the loss. He dealt with being one of Azazel’s special children and all of the horrible things that are associated with that. He died and was brought back to life. He was forced to accept the fact that the most important person in the world to him sold his soul so he would live and watched that very same person be torn apart by hellhounds. He survived four long months with the grief of that loss, and the guilt of being alive, while his brother's soul was trapped in Hell. He willingly threw himself into Lucifer's cage to save the world and when he was finally free and whole, he loses the person he loves to the normality and safety he himself had once craved.

It’s true, Sam has made mistakes. He has the taint of demon blood within him. He's more than made up for his past mistakes, though. He's intelligent and brave, persistent and loyal. He's everything a person should strive to be.

So yes, Castiel hates the fact that he's lying to Sam, but he can't allow the Apocalypse to be restarted, not after everything Sam has sacrificed. When it all comes out in the open, he just hopes Sam will understand and forgive him. He'd hate to lose Sam's friendship and trust.

When Castiel gets to Crowley's lab, the demon is examining Eve's corpse with a vampire shackled nearby.

Crowley acknowledges him.

"What have you found?"

It turns out Eve's brain may be dead, but when Crowley reaches inside of her, he pulls out a handful of eggs, meaning she's laying eggs which would most likely bring new monsters into the world. Also, when Crowley takes a poker and places it on Eve's brain, the shackled vampire seizes violently.

Castiel doesn't see what good that does and Crowley agrees.

"You said Eve could open the door to Purgatory," Castiel says, a touch accusatory.

"Correct, I did. And I'm confident that she could have if she was still alive! Single best chance to get over the rainbow and Sam Winchester killed her!" Crowley returns with a grimace.

Castiel defends Sam. "It was unavoidable."

Crowley doesn't seem amused. "You screwed up, Cas. You let your moose mangle the pheasant, and now I'm up to my elbows in it."

Castiel wants to say Sam isn't _his_ moose even if he doesn't mind the implication too much. He's sure Sam would mind it, though. "What is your point?"

"The point is...You're distracted, and that makes me nervous."

"I am holding up my end," Castiel says defensively, not sure he likes what Crowley is implying.

Crowley doesn't like that Castiel’s spending so much time with Sam. It makes him wary of trusting Castiel. He fears that he won't eventually turn on him for Sam.

Castiel wants to say that Sam will always come first, no matter what, but he's smart enough to not say it. He doesn't want to make Sam an even bigger target for Crowley and his demons. He can't lose Sam, not when he's so important to him. Instead, he tries to deflect. "I spoke with Sam. I needed to know what he knew."

"About what? About me, maybe? 'Cause I happen to have it on good authority that your pet moose is currently trying to hunt me down! Forgive me, but I think you might have a little conflict of interest here."

He didn't bother telling Crowley he's right. After all, Castiel will do everything he can to protect Sam and Dean, and in these days, Sam more than anyone else. He considers himself to be Sam's guardian. After all, Sam and his brother were the ones who taught him to stand up for what he thought was right, taught him to go against angel protocol for the good of the human race.

For all Castiel’s talk of his profound bond with Dean Winchester because he raised him from perdition, that's nothing compared to what he did for Sam. For Dean, there was a whole arsenal of angels and Castiel was following orders. For Sam, he did it by himself because he wanted to. He didn't want to see Sam suffer for all eternity at Lucifer's and Michael's hands. With Dean, Castiel didn't worry too much about his mental health because he wasn't told to. With Sam, he spent months helping the youngest Winchester heal from what he went though. He used angelic techniques and just sat and listened while Sam ranted about the hallucinations of Lucifer and Michael, and the unfairness of it all. He helped with the trauma of the cage by building a sort of angelic protection in Sam's head. It wasn't foolproof but it kept most of the issues at bay. The hallucinations and the nightmares lessened in intensity and amount at the very least. So, even though he cares about Dean and what happens to him, he’s much more concerned with Sam these days.

Crowley interrupts Castiel's thoughts. "Please, I'm begging you, Castiel. Just kill Sam Winchester."

"No." That's non-negotiable.

"Fine, then I'll do it myself," Crowley threatens.

"If you kill him, I'll just bring him back." Castiel cannot lose Sam, not again.

"No, you won't. Not where I'll put him. Trust me."

"I said...No. Don't worry about him. Sam is fine."

Crowley glares. "Don't worry about – what, like Lucifer didn't worry? Or Michael? Or Lilith or Alastair or Azazel didn't worry?! Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate that denim-wrapped nightmare?!"

Castiel ignores Crowley's miniature meltdown. "Just find Purgatory. If you don't, we will both die again and again, until the end of time. Sam won't get to you."

"Let him get to me! I'll tear his friggin' heart out!"

***

Castiel is standing invisible in Bobby's living room watching the proceedings.

A demon, which goes by the name Red, is strapped to a chair under the devil's trap on Bobby's ceiling.

Red holds out at first, saying that Crowley is dead. Bobby and Sam work the demon over though, tossing holy water all over the body it’s wearing. When Red still persists with its story of Crowley being dead, Bobby takes Ruby's knife from Sam and stabs the demon in the leg.

"Bobby, this is a waste of time, Castiel burned the wrong bones by accident. He wouldn't betray us, wouldn't betray me."

At the same time Castiel feels his insides flutter at Sam's belief in him he feels the uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling of guilt gnawing at his insides.

"Sam –"

"He burned the wrong bones because Crowley tricked him. It wouldn't be the first time someone was tricked by a demon." Sam crosses his arms, a furious expression adorning his face. Castiel knows Sam is remembering how he was tricked by Ruby.

"He's an angel," Bobby says.

"Even angels make mistakes," Sam argues.

"Nobody is saying nothing, yet, but you told me you thought he fed you up to the vampire purposefully for whatever reason. You can't forget your own past doubts. We need to make sure. We need to be positive before we give him anymore valuable information."

"You really think Cas is in with Crowley? You really think Cas would side with a demon over us? Don't forget, he’s saved both Dean and me a few times."

Bobby places a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I know you don't want to believe it of Castiel. I hate myself for even thinking it. I don't know if we can trust him. I just don't know."

 _"_ He's our friend and I'd die for him. I don't want to believe he would do that. I don't know if I can handle it if this is true. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would have survived Dean leaving for good."

Bobby nods. "I'm praying we're wrong here. But if we ain't...if there's a snowball of a snowball's chance here...that means we're dealing with a Superman who's gone dark side. Which means we've got to be cautious, we got to be smart, and maybe stock up on some Kryptonite."

Sam nods. Castiel feels like something inside of him is breaking. Sam looks so sad at the thought of not being able to trust Castiel. His facial expression reminds Castiel of when Dean told him that he was staying with Lisa. It looks broken.

Bobby's talking again. "...one problem at a time here. We got to find Crowley now, before the damn fool cracks open Purgatory.

Castiel was afraid of this. They already suspected.

And even with all the doubts in the air, Sam is still trying his hardest to be loyal, even though every instinct is telling him otherwise.

Bobby turns back to the demon to question it about Crowley. He continues to twist Ruby's knife as well as dumping holy water on the demon.

Finally Red admits he's never met Crowley. He doesn't deal with Crowley directly, but the dispatcher, a demon named Ellsworth.

Castiel leaves and goes to Ellsworth's house. He knows all about Ellsworth, how he's like the demon counterpart of Bobby Singer. Similarly to how Bobby organizes hunters, Ellsworth organizes demons.

When he gets there, Ellsworth is sitting at a desk, filled with phones of both the human and demonic variety. Ellsworth is on the phone, organizing demons for Crowley's hunts as well as other stuff having to do with the FBI.

He knows that these demons would lead Sam to Crowley, and Crowley would tear Sam's heart out, something he can't allow to happen. When he appears and smites two demons about to leave right in front of Ellsworth, the demon dispatcher tries to leave its host, but Castiel pushes him back in and smites him, too.

***

Castiel is invisible when Bobby enters Ellsworth's house through the front door. Sam announces that it's clear from the back and goes inside.

Bobby looks around. "Why the hell are the demons gone? Did they find out we're coming?"

Sam shrugs. "It's not a terrible thing. They might be scared of us."

"Yeah, I somehow doubt that."

Sam agrees.

_Castiel used to pride himself on his motives; they used to be so pure. After healing Sam enough that he could be on his own and function mostly as normal, Castiel had returned to heaven. When the angel, Rachel, greeted him, he told her that Lucifer and Michael were gone. She believed it was God, but he disagreed. He told her it was the Winchesters that brought down the Apocalypse._

_She believed that God brought him back to lead the angels and he disagreed once more. He believed that no one leads them anymore; they should be free to make their own choices and choose their own fates._

_Raphael wanted Castiel to kneel before him and pledge allegiance to him. Since Castiel rebelled against God, heaven, and him, Raphael believes he should atone. According to Raphael, Castiel will start by freeing Lucifer and Michael from their cage. Then the angels will get the Apocalypse restarted._

_Castiel disagreed. He said, "The Apocalypse doesn't have to be fought." All the while, he was thinking about Sam and Dean, and everything they gave up._

_Raphael argued back that it does because it's God's will. He can say that because it's what he wants._

_Castiel doesn't believe the angels will let Raphael._

_Raphael reminded Castiel that the angels are soldiers. They're not built for freedom, but to follow._

_"Then I won't let you," Castiel promised._

_In return, Raphael hit Castiel with power, and the angel didn't stand a chance._

Castiel brings himself back to the here and now. The here is Ellsworth's house.

Sam and Bobby realize the place is OCD clean, especially for demons. Sam wants to call Castiel for help, as that is what he always does but Bobby disagrees.

"This is Cas, Bobby. When there was no one, and hope was pretty small, he's turned against everything he knew. He did everything he could to help me and Dean. He put me back together after the cage. We owe him the benefit of the doubt at the very least."

Bobby nods, but it's obvious he doesn't like it.

"Castiel...This is really important, okay? Um...We really need to talk to you."

"Castiel, please come," Bobby says.

Castiel doesn't go to them. They'd have questions that he can't answer. He doesn't want to have to lie to Sam again and he doesn't want to see Sam's disappointment. He's afraid of losing a person who means so much to him.

"There's a war going up in Heaven. Cas is busy," Sam says. Castiel's heart warms. He knows Sam is trying so hard to not lose faith in him.

"That's all right. We are too. Back to square one," Bobby replies. "We caught one hunter demon before. We can do it again."

Then Bobby and Sam are attacked by demons and Castiel knows these demons; they’re Crowley's best and brightest. If Castiel reveals himself and smites them, Crowley won't like it, but Sam and Bobby are his friends and that makes his decision so much easier. He smites the demons and he's himself again, even though it's only a brief moment.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asks.

"Yeah, you came just in time." Sam's smile is wide, making the pit of guilt grow inside of Castiel.

"I'm glad I found you. I come with news."

"What is it?"

Castiel can't meet Sam's eyes so he looks at a point above Sam's head. "I firmly believe Crowley is alive."

Sam nods. "Castiel saved our asses again. What do you have to say about that Bobby?" Sam sounds as if he's gloating.

Bobby nods. "I think we owe you an apology."

"Why?"

Sam crosses his arms, glaring at Bobby. "We've been hunting Crowley this whole time...and we’ve been keeping it from you. It wasn't my idea to keep it from you, though." That last part is added on quickly.

"Sam didn't like it, fought me tooth and nail about it, but I thought...you were working with him."

"You thought what?" Castiel hopes his voice comes out surprised.

Sam laughs. "Crazy, right? No way would you ever work with a demon. You're too pure for it."

Bobby nods. "It's just that you torched the wrong bones. It doesn't matter. We – _I_ – was wrong."

"You know...you could've just asked me."

Sam nods. "And we should have. We never should've doubted you. It's...I just hope you can forgive us."

Castiel is happy that Sam trusts him again, but it's just a lie. Sooner or later Sam will find out the truth. Then what will happen? Castiel inwardly shudders at the thought. "It's forgotten."

"Thanks, Cas," Sam says.

"It is a little absurd, though. Superman going to the dark side. I'm still just Castiel," he says, at the time not realizing what he just did, not realizing that it was all over.

 Sam nods, his smile seeming a little forced. "I guess we can put away the Kryptonite, right?"

"Exactly."

***

Castiel has a confrontation with Crowley about sending demons after Sam and Bobby. According to Crowley, Castiel can't have friends any longer. According to Crowley, as long as Sam believes Castiel is good and righteous, the angel gets to believe it as well.

"Not to mention," Crowley continues as he smirks, "You want to shag pretty little Moose's ass."

Castiel shoves Crowley against the wall. "I'm only going to say this once. If you touch a hair on Sam's head, I will tear it all down; our arrangement – everything. I'm still an Angel, and I will bury you." Castiel disappears. He's feels so low. He can't believe he's working with a demon.

***

_Raphael was stronger than Castiel. He wouldn't have survived a direct fight so he went to Dean for help. But as he watched Dean performing the menial chore of raking leaves he realized, Dean had already sacrificed so much, and Castiel couldn't ask him for more._

_That's when Crowley had shown up, making an offer, helping each other get something they both wanted._

_Castiel was wary. After all, he didn't have a soul to sell. Crowley simply smirked. "But that's it, isn't it? It's all of it. It's the souls. It all comes down to the souls in the end, doesn't it?"_

_Castiel was confused and Crowley told him he could have Raphael's head on a pike and happy ending all around. Castiel had still said no but Crowley didn't give up, though._

********

_Crowley had shown Castiel Hell, his domain._

_"What are you planning to do about Raphael?" Crowley asked._

_"I'm not strong enough, so I'll either submit or die."_

_"On your own you're not strong enough. But you're not on your own. Angels are swooning over you," Crowley reminded him. "Angels need leaders, so be one. Gather an army and kick the ass of every angel that shows up for Raphael."_

_Crowley wanted him to start a civil war in heaven, which is equivalent to being the next Lucifer._

_Crowley didn't agree. According to him, Lucifer was nothing more than a petulant child with daddy issues. On the other hand, Castiel loved God and vice versa. God had brought Castiel back. "Did it occur to you that maybe he did this so you could be the new sheriff upstairs?" Crowley asked._

_Castiel knew it would take a large amount of power to mount a war. Crowley agreed that the amount of power needed was more than either of them had ever seen. Crowley knew how to get it, though. He explained how Purgatory could be an untapped oil well of every fanged, claw soul. There are millions and millions of souls, ripe ­­­for the taking._

_"How would you even find it when no one ever has?" Castiel asked._

_Crowley talked about getting help from experts but Castiel refused to allow it to be Dean. He deserved retirement. That's when Crowley said he would get Samuel Campbell to aid them. Hunters could get them monsters and monsters could get them to Purgatory, Crowley was sure of it._

_Castiel asked Crowley what his price was and the demon had said, "I want half of the souls." Crowley reminded Castiel that it was better if he was in charge of Hell instead of the devil._

_Castiel still wasn't sure as he needed help right away and the plan would take months._

_Crowley offered to loan 50,000 souls from the pit, to show how serious he was about the scheme but what sealed the deal was his closing remarks. "Either this or the Apocalypse all over again. Everything you've worked for_ – _everything that Sam and Dean have worked for_ – _gone. You can save us, Castiel. God chose you to save us. And I think...deep down...you know that._

_Mentioning everything Sam and Dean had done and what they had been through; it's what convinced Castiel to make the deal._

_When Castiel went to meet Raphael, he used the souls to remove the archangel from the room as he vowed that there would be no Apocalypse. "And let it be known – you're either with Raphael or you're with me." Castiel might have started out with good intentions, but the road brought him to his current predicament._

***

At Ellsworth's house, Sam prayed for him.

"You're still here," he says when he meets the two hunters.

Sam nods. "We had to bury the bodies."

"How can I help?"

Sam looks uncomfortable, shuffling his feet. "We... we have a new plan. We think we've finally figured out a way to track down Crowley."

Castiel feels nervous. If he were human, he'd probably be sweating. "What is it?"

Bobby lights a match and drops it on the floor by Castiel's feet, trapping him in a ring of holy fire. "It's you."

"What are you doing?"

Sam looks sad. "We need to talk. About Superman. And Kryptonite."

"How'd you know what I said?" Bobby asks. "How long have you been watching us?"

Castiel knows he's caught, but can't let it go so easily. "Okay, just wait. I don't even know what you mean."

"Not to mention this demon house? It's ‘Next to godliness’ clean," Sam says.

"And how exactly did Crowley trick you with the wrong bones?" Bobby asks.

"It's hard to understand. It's hard to explain. Just let me go. Let me out and I can –" Castiel tries, but is interrupted.

Sam stomps his foot. "Look me in the eye, Cas. Tell me what's going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley. Please, I'm begging you. Tell me it's all a misunderstanding."

Castiel looks at Sam, wanting to be able to do everything asked of him when he sees the tears, but he looks away.

"Let me explain –"

"No!" Sam cuts in."You and Crowley have been going after Purgatory together? You have, huh? This whole time. I trusted you, Cas. I refused to believe it when Bobby was suspicious. I stuck up for you. I swore to Bobby that you'd never betray us, never betray me. And you have been... this whole time."

"I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you," Castiel tries, but it sounds weak, even to his own ears.

"Protect us how? By opening a hole into monsterland!?" Sam shouts, tears streaming down his cheeks that he furiously wipes away.

Bobby nods, obviously choosing to ignore Sam's emotional distress. "He's right, Cas. One drop got through, and it was Eve. And you want to break down the entire dam?"

Castiel shakes his head. "If I get the souls, I can stop Raphael. If I stop Raphael, the Apocalypse won't happen. You have to trust me."

"I can't trust you, not when you've lied to me this whole time. Maybe if you had been honest from the beginning... but you weren't."

"I'm still your friend, Sam. I still care about you. I've done everything I can to help you. Raphael will kill us all. I had no choice."

Sam shakes his head. "There's always a choice. I made a choice to drink demon blood and it was wrong. You made a choice to work with Crowley and that was wrong, too. The difference is I owned up to my mistakes."

"You don't understand. It's complicated."

"No, actually, it's not that complicated. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? Just like I kept my demon blood addiction secret. Like me, you may have had pure intentions at the start, but it doesn't make it right. When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... like we always have... together. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!"

"It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?" Castiel asks.

"I was there. I told you I was always around if you needed help. Where were you?"

Before Castiel can answer, there's a loud sound of wind and a large cloud of demon-smoke approaches. _"_ It's too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't."

"It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!" Sam says, voice tinged with desperation.

"Sam, it's not broken! Run. You have to run now! Run!"

Sam and Bobby run out the door.

Crowley enters and makes a smart ass remark about playing with fire. With a snap, Crowley puts out the flame. Crowley then notes about how it's always the friends that hold a person back, but the new God and the new Devil are working together.

Crowley heads for the door, but lets out a parting shot. "You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?"

***

Castiel arrives in the living room of Bobby's house. "Hello, Sam. Before you ask, the angel-proofing Bobby put up on the house has a few mistakes."

"It's pretty bad we have to angel-proof at all. Why are you here?"

"I need you to understand that I'm doing this for you."

"Cas, please stop this. Trust me and stop working with Crowley. We stopped the Apocalypse before and we'll stop it again. Trust me when I say Raphael won't win. Please, I care about you. You're family to me."

"I can't, Sam."

Sam nods. "I'm going to do everything I can to stop you. It won't be the first time I've taken on angels."

He wants to ask Sam to forgive him, but he's staring at Sam's back now as the man goes to bed.

Castiel wonders if he's truly doing the right thing. Bobby and Sam don't seem to think so. Dean would probably be on their side as well. He prays to God, his father, asking for a sign about whether he's on the right path. If there's no sign, he's going to keep doing whatever it is he must do to make sure Raphael doesn't triumph.

There's no sign.

**Chapter 10**

Sam finds out the next morning that Castiel stole the journal of Moishe Campbell. Obviously it's important. Thankfully, Bobby is a paranoid hunter because he had a copy already made.

Sam reads out loud as Bobby drinks coffee. "Went to talk to Howard Phillips about the events of March 10th."

"That's March 10th, 1937," Bobby interjects.

Sam thinks. "Isn't Phillips another name for Lovecraft?"

Bobby nods. "The one and only H.P. Lovecraft, horror writer extraordinaire. There's one notion that comes up over and over again in his stories. Namely opening doors to other dimensions and letting scary crap through."

Sam nods, knowing where this is going. "Maybe Lovecraft knew something about Purgatory. Maybe Moishe paid him a visit."

Sam's cell phone rings. He's reading the journal when he picks it up without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Sammy."

Sam's attention is pulled away from the journal by Dean's voice. He knows instantly that something is wrong. "Dean? What's going on? Are you okay? Is it Lisa and Ben?"

Sam's only answer is Dean's shuddering breaths.

"Dean!" Sam puts force in his voice. "Dude, you need to tell me what's wrong! Answer me!"

"Lisa and Ben are gone. Chairs are overturned; there was a struggle. There are also remnants of sulfur."

Sam swallows. "Dean, I'm pretty sure I know who's behind this."

"Me too, Sammy. You've been telling me how you're going head to head with Crowley. This has his stink all over it."

"Dean, I'm so sorry." No matter how hurt Sam was by Dean's choice, he would never want this to happen to his brother. He hopes Dean knows it.

"I need help!"

"Dean, there's a good chance they're –"

"Don't!" Dean violently cuts in. "My guess is Crowley wants to use Lisa and Ben as leverage. If they're dead, they won't have any use."

"Why would Crowley take them, though? He has to have done his homework. It would have been much more effective to just take you. Of course, I'd do anything for you, and Crowley probably knows that."

Bobby's cell phone rings and Sam doesn't pay attention as Bobby answers it. Suddenly it's at his ear. "Hold on, Dean," he says into his own phone. He takes Bobby's. "Hello?" Sam asks, dreading the answer.

"Hello, Sam." Crowley's British accent is strong over the phone. "It's been a long time since my so-called demise, yes?"

Sam stands up. "Let Lisa and Ben go! They have nothing to do with this."

"I'll let them go, and unharmed to boot. As long as you stop meddling in my affairs." Crowley hangs up.

Sam goes back to his cell phone where Dean is waiting, most likely very impatient. He tells Dean about Crowley's ultimatum and is surprised by Dean's answer. "Do it!"

"I can't. Do you know how many people will die if Crowley succeeds in opening Purgatory?"

"I don't care! Lisa and Ben's lives are at stake."

Sam's eyes flash. "They might still die when Crowley opens Purgatory! He could be unleashing millions of monsters. Or Crowley could decide to just kill them for the hell of it when I'm out of the way!"

"Of course, Lisa and Ben don't matter to you! You've always resented them. I bet you're secretly thrilled by the turn of events. No more competition." Dean's voice is hard.

Sam is trying to be understanding, but there's only so much abuse he'll take. "Unless you want me to hang up on you and not help you locate them, I'd shut the fuck up. You know me better than that. How dare you think I'd be so petty."

There's silence for a moment. "You're right. You're a better person than me. I do know better, I'm just panicking. What do we do?"

Sam thinks while looking at Bobby for answers at the same time. "I hope Cas doesn't know about this, but I guess I have to assume he does. Oh yeah, Cas is working with Crowley when it comes to opening Purgatory. Thought you'd like to know."

"What the fuck is Cas thinking?"

"I'm trying not to go there right now. Okay, Bobby will work the case that we're on alone." Bobby nods. "Dean, you and I are going after Lisa and Ben."

When Sam hangs up on Dean, after saying he has some ideas he wants to try, Bobby leaves on the Lovecraft trail and Sam summons Balthazar, who appears with a drink in his hand. The angel knows Castiel is going for Purgatory, but is obviously lying about knowing he's working with Crowley. When Sam asks for help, Balthazar disappears.

Sam feels frustrated. He wants to call Castiel like he has every other time he's been in trouble, but doesn't know if he can. For all Sam knows, Castiel is in with Crowley on the whole abduction of Lisa and Ben thing. He can't risk word getting back to Crowley.

***

Bobby poses as a journalist and meets with Judah, a H.P. Lovecraft enthusiast. Judah has the world's largest collection of Lovecraft's private letters.

"I'd like to ask you about Lovecraft's last years. Specifically, anything that might've gone down around March 10th, 1937," Bobby says.

Judah asks about whether he's working with a guy in a trenchcoat that looks like Columbo and talks like Rain Man.

Bobby knows Castiel has been there. "We're... competitors. Rival magazines."

Judah tells Bobby what he told Castiel. "Howard had a dinner party on March 10th."

Bobby nods. "How many friends at this party?"

"Well, six. If by ‘friends’ you mean co-worshippers in a black-magic cult. They were getting together that night to perform a ritual. Something big."

Bobby does his best to look nonchalant. "Define 'big.'"

"Not much. Just open a door into another dimension."

Bobby then finds out it was to see what's out there, to see if maybe it's friendly. Judah goes to get the letters to show Bobby, but the file where they're kept is empty. Bobby makes a comment about there not being an invisible guy that can pop in steal them, but he knows that's exactly what happened.

As he walks down the street, he calls Sam. "Lovecraft tried to open a dimensional door. Idjit."

"So what happened?"

"Well, nothing much. Except, I dug, and every guest invited to the hoedown – dead or disappeared inside a year."

"That's not suspicious at all," Sam says sarcastically. He continues in a normal tone. "Where are you off to now?"

"Have a chat with one of the guests. Everybody Lovecraft invited might have died, but the maid had a nine year old boy. He was there.

"So, he'd be what, 83 years old now? Where is he?"

"Same place he's been ever since the big night. Locked in a mental ward," Bobby says, knowing this man may be their best chance.

"Okay, keep me posted."

"Hold on Sam, have you figured out what to do to get to Lisa and Ben?"

"I have an idea."

Bobby can hear the hesitance in Sam's voice, but doesn't ask. "Talk to you later."

They hang up.

***

Sam doesn't bother with low level demons. They usually know next to nothing.

He doesn't want to, but he needs Castiel's help. He hopes Castiel was honest when he said he cared about Sam. "Cas, please I need you. Dean is frantic. Crowley has taken Lisa and Ben, and I need to get them back to him. I'm not even sure if you're in on the plan. I'm not sure Dean would survive losing them. If nothing else, you owe Dean. Please bring them back to my brother."

Castiel appears. "Lisa and Ben have been taken?"

"You mean you didn't know?" Sam asks hopefully.

"Of course not,"

Sam glares. "Sorry if I sound suspicious. You haven't exactly proven yourself trustworthy lately."

"I'll find them, but just leave it to me."

Sam lets out a huffing breath. "You're asking me to stand down? That's exactly what Crowley said. Guess what? I'm not going to do that. Dean and I will find them, with or without your help."

"I've been there for you whenever you needed me. All I'm asking is for you to trust me like I've trusted you? Is that too much to ask for?"

"If you open Purgatory, lives will be at stake. So yes, it _is_ too much to ask for. Cas, what about you trusting me once again? How about you trust me to help you defeat Raphael without involving Purgatory and Crowley?"

Castiel shakes his head in the negative.

"Then I guess we have nothing else to discuss," Sam says and he knows his eyes are hard. He's giving Castiel his hunter exterior.

Castiel disappears and Sam feels like crying, but doesn't. There are too many important things to do. No matter how much Sam may want to, he can't take time to wallow in self-pity.

***

Bobby goes to the mental institution. He talks to 83 year old Westborough, the man who was at H.P. Lovecraft's party in 1937 when he was nine years old.

Bobby has to promise he's not with the liar reporter in the coat, the one who isn't truthful about whom he really is.

Westborough tells him they did a spell and it seemed to fail. When asked, Bobby says he does believe in monsters.

Then Westborough says, "The spell worked. A door opened and something came through. B-but it was invisible, so no one knew, except me."

According to Westborough, the monster took his mother, went into her. She was different and then she disappeared.

Bobby says he’s very sorry for happened to Westborough’s mother.

Westborough shows a picture of his mom. The back of the photo says "Eleanor – 1935." To Bobby’s complete surprise, the photo is of Eleanor Visyak, his old friend with the special dragon killing sword.

He leaves the mental institution to go and find Eleanor. She's in a cabin that is considered one of her safehouses. He confronts her about what she is.

She tells Bobby that she likes it outside of Purgatory and that she has spent years trying to keep Purgatory closed.

"An angel who wants access to Purgatory is looking for you," Bobby warns.

Bobby wants to know how to open the door so he can be one step ahead of Castiel, but Eleanor refuses to tell him. She also refuses to let Bobby take her somewhere safer, saying she's better off on her own.

***

Balthazar pops into the old hunter's kitchen, Bobby he thinks the name is. Balthazar sighs despondently. He can't believe he's doing this. The only reason why he agreed is because of his past friendship with Castiel. So what if some humans were kidnapped? Castiel seemed very insistent that he come help Sam and the other Winchester locate them, though.

When Balthazar asked Castiel about why he couldn't just do it himself, the other angel actually seemed to pout. According to him, Sam refused his help, citing mistrust all around, not that he blames Sam. He made sure to tell Balthazar to not let it be known to Sam that Castiel sent him.

So now, Balthazar is stuck helping puny humans locate even more puny humans.

Sam is drinking a can of beer and he nearly drops the can in his surprise at Balthazar's appearance.

"Hey, Sam."

"What are you doing here, Balthazar? You already made yourself perfectly clear when you disappeared."

Balthazar hmmms. "Maybe I changed my mind. Maybe I decided to help."

"What changed?" Sam asks cautiously.

"I would say I have a shred of decency, but I doubt you'd believe me." Sam nods. "Actually, after talking to Cas and getting some questions answered, I decided my best bet for survival is to be on your side. I have searched for your friends, too. Took a while, but I found them."

"So you can get them back to Dean?"

"No," Balthazar states flatly. "I found them, but Crowley angel-proofed the whole bloody building. Maybe not all is right where his partnership with Cas is concerned. I'll get you as close as I can, but then you're on your own."

Sam nods. "We have a pit stop to make first, though."

***

Balthazar picks up Dean who is pacing, before unceremoniously dropping them off outside of the building. Before Sam can say anything, the angel disappears.

He and Dean stare at each other. Sam expects to feel the familiar jolt of desire but while he still finds Dean attractive, something is missing. "Let's go," Sam quietly says.

Before they can enter the building, a demon exits and Sam automatically stabs him in the chest with Ruby's knife. Sam pushes the body away from the door and they enter. Sam gives Dean the knife and he carries his shotgun as well as a duffle bag containing other weapons.

Dean wants to split up so they can cover more ground. Sam is hesitant because Dean may be rusty when it comes to hunting. Still, he can't argue that it's a big building. "Okay," Sam reluctantly agrees.

Sam is the one to find Lisa and Ben. They are sitting on the ground, tied to a post and there are demons all over the place. He closes his eyes and mentally braces himself. Outside the room, he sees a couple of demons before they see him and he punches them, wishing he kept the knife and gave Dean the shotgun instead. He shoots, but knows the demons won't stay down long. More demons come from the room where Lisa and Ben are being kept, probably alerted due to the noise.

Sam continues to fight the demons but is knocked into the room. He just prays Ben and Lisa are unconscious; they don't need to see this. Hearing Lisa's scream convinces Sam his prayers are going unanswered. As he continues to fight, he feels a sharp, shooting pain in his shoulder. He grips his shoulder with the opposite hand and knows his hand is bloody. He sees a demon going over to where Lisa and Ben are and quickly attacks, averting its attention away. Another demon grabs him from behind and squeezes his throat. Sam tries to break free, but his vision is starting to get fuzzy. Suddenly the demon is gone and he can breathe again as he collapses to his knees.

Sam looks up and is so glad to see Dean. He stands up, trying not to jar his shoulder, hoping the damage isn't too extensive. Working together they fight off the demons. There are only a couple of them left and Dean has the knife, so Sam goes and cuts Lisa and Ben free with his pocket knife.

"We need to get the two of you out of here."

Lisa grabs Ben before Sam can do anything. "Brat's not going anywhere. And neither am I." Her eyes go black as she squeezes Ben's throat.

Sam wants to stomp his foot. Why can't rescue missions ever be straightforward? Dean is still busy.

Sam takes out a flask of holy water without Demon!Lisa noticing. He quickly throws it on her and Ben takes his chance and runs. Sam's glad Ben is so smart. Without wasting any more time, Sam begins a Latin exorcism. "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus –"

"Shut your mouth." Lisa snarls and aims a punch at Sam's face which he easily dodges.

"Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica," Demon!Lisa struggles to breathe. "ergo draco maledicte –"

Demon!Lisa grabs Sam by the throat as she groans.

Then Dean is there, breaking Demon!Lisa's hold on Sam's throat and pressing her bodily against the wall, keeping her arms trapped with all of his strength. "Hurry up, Sammy."

"Ecclesiam –"

"Stop it!" Demon!Lisa yells.

"Tuam –"

"I'm warning you," Demon!Lisa says before flinging Dean against the wall and keeping him there.

Sam stays focused. "Securi tibi facias libertate servire te rogamus, audi nos."

Lisa screams as the demon is expelled from her body. She falls to the ground, but her eyes are open. Sam hears a thump and winces because he knows it's Dean. He goes to Lisa as Ben screams 'Mom!', and helps her up. "Dean, you okay over there?"

He looks to where he assumes Dean was flung. He sees his brother rubbing his head. "I'm fine. Let's just get out of here."

Sam nods. Without being asked, Sam hands a still dazed Lisa over to Dean. He grabs his shotgun which had been dropped and they head for the exit.

Sam winces when he bangs his shoulder against the wall. He feels a little dizzy and wonders how much blood he's lost. "Dean, I don't think I can drive. I feel really out of it."

Dean looks over, his gaze sharpening. He seems to finally remember that Sam is actually there and is injured. He hands Lisa over to Sam and leaves to steal a car. Sam has a shotgun ready and when the demon comes, he's already shooting after pushing Lisa to Ben. Again, he really wishes he asked for the knife.

The demon screams and plunges a hand into Sam's stomach. He hears a boy's scream and vaguely realizes it's Ben. He still fights, knowing he has to protect Lisa and Ben; otherwise, Dean would never forgive him.

Dean is then once again coming to his rescue, or is it Lisa and Ben's rescue? The knife goes into the demon's chest, there's an orange flash, and the demon is dead. He doesn't have a chance to make sure Lisa and Ben are okay because his vision goes dark.

***

The doctors say it will take a miracle for Sam to wake up; he lost so much blood. Dean remembers the last real conversation he had with Sam and it was over the phone. He blamed Sam for not caring because if Lisa was dead, there would be no one standing in the way.

Even then, he knew he was out of line. He knows Sam isn't like that. The only time Sam is that vindictive is when someone he cares about is hurt. But if Sam dies with that being the last real thing he said to the younger man, Dean won't ever forgive himself. Lisa and Ben are alive and it's probably only because of Sam.

Lisa left with Ben to go get something to eat, knowing Dean needed time alone with the unresponsive body of his brother. Sam hasn't responded to anything the doctors have tried.

"Sammy, I'm not sure if you can hear me, but you need to wake up. Please. I need to thank you and tell you how sorry I am for what I said when Lisa and Ben were first taken. I know you'd never feel like that, like what I accused you of. Sammy, please wake up. I don't want to have to bury you. Please, don't die." Dean doesn't cry, but he wants to.

 Castiel appears.

"What do _you_ want?" Dean may not be involved with the hunting life any longer, but Sam has kept him up to date with everything Castiel has pulled. No matter how much he may wish otherwise, he knows Castiel can't be trusted.

"Dean, listen."

"Cas, shut up. According to the doctors, he'll be dead by midnight. So, just leave me alone."

"I'm sorry."

Dean shakes his head in disbelief. "I'm not out of the loop. I know you're Crowley's bitch. So, just leave."

"Okay. Well, regardless, I didn't come for you." He walks up to Sam and places his hand on Sam's forehead, healing him. "Believe what you want, but I do care about Sam. The last thing I want is his death."

Dean looks into Castiel's eyes and sees nothing but sincerity. He starts to wonder about how deep Castiel's feelings for Sam go. They way Castiel is staring at Sam can be compared to the way Sam and Dean used to stare at each other, or the way Dean now stares at Lisa.

Sam starts to wake up and before he opens his eyes, Castiel is gone. Sam is confused when he wakes up, but smiles upon seeing Dean. "I thought for sure I was going to die."

"It's a miracle," Dean says.

Sam's eyes narrow. "Castiel was here, wasn't he?"

Dean nods. "He healed you. Sam, no matter what bad decisions he's making, and I admit, he's making some pretty bad ones, I do believe he genuinely cares about you and didn't mean for you to be hurt."

"It doesn't matter. He's working with Crowley."

"Get him to change his allegiance then. I saw the way he looked at you. If anyone can get him to change sides, it's you."

Sam closes his eyes. "What do you mean by how he looked at me?"

Dean smiles, thinking Castiel and Sam would make a cute couple. He ignores the small pang of jealousy; he has no right to feel it any longer. "I mean, he looked at you as if you are precious."

Sam's smile is small. "We almost kissed, but I think it freaked him out a bit."

Dean chuckles. "He _is_ a virgin. Those kinds of desires are probably pretty foreign to him."

Sam's dimples are showing as his smile widens. "And there I was taking offense to his reaction."

 Dean takes Sam's hand. "If he's important to you, then don't give up on him because he's showing poor judgment right now. Fight for him."

Sam falls asleep, but at least Dean knows it's a natural sleep, and he'll wake up again. Dean really doesn't know how he feels about the idea of Sam and Castiel as a couple, but he thinks he might have to get used to the idea. He wants Sam happy and loved, even if it's with an angel.

**Chapter 11**

Sam is out of the hospital and asks Dean for his help. He knows they're getting to the end of the battle, if not the war, with Crowley; he can feel it. Dean seems hesitant, but agrees.

Dean leaves to say goodbye to Lisa and Ben, to tell them what's going on. Sam knows he's promising to come back.

Part of Sam feels giddy that it's Dean and Sam back together once again. Sam knows it's the only time, though. He knows after Purgatory is sealed for good, Dean is back to being retired. Sam is going to enjoy having Dean back while he can.

A couple of days pass and Bobby gets a call from Eleanor, telling them to meet her. While Sam, Dean, and Bobby go to the meeting place, Bobby brings both Sam and Dean up to speed on Eleanor and H.P. Lovecraft.

They have trouble finding her in the alleyway and when Bobby calls her, they hear Eleanor's phone ringing from nearby. It's on the ground next to a dumpster. They hurry to it and find Eleanor sitting on the ground, slumped against the dumpster. She's hurt.

Bobby kneels in front of her, while Sam and Dean stand behind him. "El?"

"Hey, I guess I should have taken your help. I don't have much time. You need to listen. They have enough to crack Purgatory wide open now. They need virgin blood. That's a milk-run for them. And they need the blood of a Purgatory native, and well, they've got plenty of that now."

"Have they opened it, yet?" Dean asks.

Eleanor shakes her head. "Tomorrow. The moon – an eclipse. I'm sorry, Bobby."

Bobby takes her hand. "No, it's okay. It's okay."

Before Eleanor can tell the three of them where Crowley is, she dies.

***

They're running out of time and have no idea where Crowley is doing this. They're spending all of their remaining time researching. Sleep is non-existent. There's 16 hours left when tensions begin to run high. Dean and Sam are snapping at each other, and Bobby is stomping around when he isn't reading.

They catch a break when Balthazar shows up. He hands them a piece of paper. "Cas and Crowley are there. That's where the show gets started." All three look at the paper. The address is located in Bootback, Kansas.

Balthazar refuses to snap them there since he's betraying a powerful friend. He thinks he's done enough. He disappears.

Bobby, Dean, and Sam pack some things, including three angel killings swords and a flask of holy water.

"Time to head out, boys," Bobby grunts.

Sam and Dean nod. There's no time to waste.

***

Castiel lets his decision be known, a decision he planned on from the start. "You get nothing. Not one single soul.

Of course Crowley is furious. After all, not even _he_ breaks contracts like that.

Castiel scoffs. "You think I'm handing all that power to the King of Hell? I'm neither stupid nor wicked. Here are your options. You either flee, or you die."

Crowley flees.

***

Bobby looks through binoculars at the guards standing around the building. "I count a dozen, probably more."

"Demons?" Dean asks.

"Angels," Bobby answers.

Before they can figure out how to get past all of the angels, they hear a repetitive booming sound, almost like footsteps of a giant. All three listen as they turn around.

"Oh shit," Sam says. The others nod in agreement. A large cloud of demon smoke approaches.

"Get in the car! Get in the car!" Dean orders.

They run to the Impala. Dean and Sam get in the front and Bobby is in the back. The demon smoke flips the car upside down, and then continues towards the building.

***

Inside the building, Castiel is looking at the paper with the ritual incantation written on it. He hears screams, presumably of the guards, and stands up to listen. Demon smoke covers the window and Crowley appears.

"Never underestimate the King of Hell, darling. I know a lot of swell tricks. Now, I think it's time to re-renegotiate our terms," Crowley says.

Castiel disappears. He reappears behind Crowley. Crowley turns around and Castiel puts his hand on Crowley's forehead. Nothing happens. "I don't understand."

Crowley smirks. "I have a new partner." He gestures to the right, where Raphael appears, in a female vessel.

"Hello, Castiel," she says.

"Raphael," Castiel returns. I thought consorting with demons was beneath you.

"Heard _you_ were doing it. Sounded like fun."

Castiel learns that Raphael offered Crowley protection against all comers in exchange for the purgatory souls.

Raphael clicks her tongue. "Castiel, you really think I would let you open that door? Take in _that_ much power? If anyone is going to be the new God, it's me."

In a mocking voice, Crowley says, "Now, you have two options. Flee, or die.

Castiel picks up the jar of blood. He throws it to Crowley and disappears. The lunar eclipse begins. Standing in front of the blood sigils drawn on the wall, Crowley begins the ritual, while Raphael stands next to him.

Crowley chants. "Ianua magna Purgatorii, clausa est ob nos, lumine eius ab oculis nostris retento. Sed nunc stamus ad limen huius ianuae magnae et demisse, fideliter, perhonorifice, paramus aperire eam. Creaturae terrificae."

Bobby, Sam, and Dean enter the room. They stand on top of the stairs.

"quarum ungulae et dentes, nunquam tetigerunt carnem humanam."

Dean throws an angel killing sword at Raphael. With his back turned, Raphael catches it. He and Crowley turn to look at the three of them. Telekinetically, Crowley throws Bobby, Dean, and Sam down the stairs. Sam lands on a table before he is thrown to the ground. He groans.

"Bit busy, gentlemen. Be with you in a moment. Aperit fauces eius ad mundum nostrum, nunc, ianua magna aperta tandem!"

Nothing happens.

"Mm-hmmm. Maybe I said it wrong."

Castiel appears behind them, holding an empty jar of blood. "You said it perfectly. All you needed was this." He puts the jar down. Sam, Dean, and Bobby get up.

Crowley walks to the wall and touches the blood. "We've been working with..." He tastes it "Dog blood. Naturally."

"Enough of these games, Castiel. Give us the blood," Raphael demands.

Crowley shakes his head. "Game's over. His jar's empty. So, Castiel, how'd your ritual go? Better than ours, I'll bet."

Castiel closes his eyes. A bright light comes from him. It fills the room and everybody shields their eyes. The light fades away. "They're all inside me. Millions upon millions of souls.

Crowley disappears and Raphael looks frightened. Before Sam can blink, Castiel snaps his fingers and Raphael explodes. The angel killing sword Raphael had been holding falls to the ground. "I saved you."

 Dean nods. "Sure thing, Cas. Thanks. Now, let's just diffuse you, okay?

"What do you mean?"

Dean forces out a smile as Sam watches. "You're full of nuke. It's not safe. So, before the eclipse ends, let's get them souls back to where they belong."

"Why should I?" Cas asks, sounding perplexed.

Dean looks at Sam.

Sam steps forward. "Cas, the souls in you, they're making something like a nuclear bomb inside you. I don't want to lose you anymore than I already have."

"I don't get it."

Sam takes a deep breath. He'll be putting himself on the line, but if it brings Castiel back, it's worth it. "Cas, I care about you. I'm not sure if you realize it, but we almost kissed. It seems so long ago, but it really hasn't been."

Castiel looks away.

Sam continues. "I wanted to kiss you. In fact, I was hurt when you ran, or flew, or whatever. It was like you couldn't get away from me fast enough."

"Why are you saying this?" Castiel asks, and he sounds so confused.

"You were there for me when I was grieving for a lost relationship. You saw me at my worst after you pulled me out of the cage. And you still stayed there and helped me. If it hadn't been for you during those first six months, I doubt I would have survived. I have feelings for you, real feelings. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell you and risk being rejected, but according to Dean, it might be the only thing that brings you back." Sam looks down at his feet before looking up again, meeting Castiel's eyes. "Please come back. Please be the old Cas."

"I won't be just a substitute!"

"No, Cas. It's not like that. Maybe at first, you were. You're not anymore, though. I care about you. I know I can fall in love with you. In fact, I may already be in love. Please, come back. Let go of the souls and be the old Cas, be the Cas that I care about, the Cas that makes me feel safe."

"You said you can't trust me."

Sam nods. "I did, but you have to understand. I was angry and hurt. You betrayed me. You made mistakes, with the whole Purgatory thing. Dean helped to remind me that I myself made mistakes, too. I'll always regret my foray into drinking demon blood, but I've learned my lesson. I had hurt a lot of people when I did it, but I was lucky to be forgiven. I understand your heart was in the right place. I can understand that better than anyone because that's how my mistake started. That's why I can forgive you, and that's why I believe we can move on from it. Just come back."

Castiel disappears.

"I tried," Sam whispers.

Dean comes up and puts an arm around him. "I know, Sammy. You did everything you could. Now we'll just have to wait and see what happens. We should prepare for a fight, though."

Sam nods, wishing Dean is wrong, but knowing he's probably not.

***

Castiel awakens in a room filled with massacred individuals. He realizes that there are souls within him that are taking over his body and he's too weak to keep fighting them off. He cannot control the Leviathans. He needs Sam and Dean's help.

When he pops in on the Winchester brothers and Bobby, he sees that they're cautious. "I need your help."

Castiel gathers the right blood. "I'm sorry, Sam, for everything."

Sam nods. "I know."

Bobby begins chanting. "Lanua magna purgatorii, clausa est ob nos lumine eius ab oculis nostris retento sed nunc stamus ad limen huius ianuae magnae et demisse fideliter perhonorifice paramus aperire eam. Creaturae terrificae quarum ungulae et dentes nunquam tetigerunt carnem eius ad mundum nostrum nunc ianua magna, aperta tandem!"

The door opens and Castiel feels the souls being withdrawn from his body. He feels himself being pushed back into his mind, but when he looks through his eyes, he can see everything.

"Please tell me he's alive," Sam says.

Dean seems to be checking. "He's not breathing, but angels might not need to breathe."

Bobby shakes his head. "He's gone, Sam."

"Damn it. Cas, you child. Why did you have to go and leave Sammy?"

Suddenly, Castiel feels himself stand up.

"Cas?" Sam asks.

"Cas is – he's gone. He's dead. We run the show now. Ah. Oh, this is going to be so much fun," the being inside of him says. Castiel knows his mouth is moving and the voice is his own, but it's not him talking. It's the Leviathans. They held on when the souls were released. They're in complete control now.

Castiel watches when they attack Dean and Bobby. And then, as if sensing Sam's importance to Castiel, the trapped angel is forced to watch in horror as they beat Sam up, using Castiel's own body to do the deed. They get ready to kill Sam.

**Chapter 12**

Castiel remembers when he first met Dean Winchester. He was jealous of the absolute devotion he showed Sam. Here was Sam, purposely drinking demon blood, making him an even bigger abomination than he already was. But still, Dean wasn't turning his back on him. Still, Dean loved him.

Castiel never warranted that kind of devotion from any of his siblings. To him, Sam seemed to spit on Dean's devotion.

But then, Castiel saw the other side of the coin. He saw how Sam would do anything to make sure Dean survived, even go as far as willingly walk into Lucifer's cage so Dean would have a chance at normality, no matter what their relationship had been.

When Castiel pulled Sam from the cage, he enjoyed being the sole focus of Sam's attention. Since Dean wasn't there, the only person Sam had was Castiel and the angel kind of basked in it.

Sam told him things that he would have normally only told Dean and Castiel knew to hold the secrets shared close to his heart.

He liked how Sam depended on him. He liked feeling needed. All he cared about was protecting Sam like Dean would have if he still hunted.

Castiel thought he lost Sam when he forcibly shut him up during the whole thing with the plagues killing the cops. He thought Sam would never trust him again. He hated that Sam was disappointed in him. He was glad when Sam forgave him.

One of the biggest things Castiel regrets and feels shame about is when he allowed Sam to be turned into a vampire to gather information about the alpha. He never admitted it to Sam, but Castiel is sure Sam knows. For days afterwards, Sam seemed hesitant around him, like he feared he was going to be killed.

Castiel remembered watching Sam sleep after he was human again, thinking how absolutely beautiful he was. Even with the taint of demon blood running through his veins, Sam is still pure of heart and soul. Castiel's eyes can see the difference when Sam stands next to someone whose soul has blackened. He had held Sam a little closer than necessary, wanting to enjoy the closeness while at the same time wondering if Sam would ever allow it again.

When he watched the pizza man and baby-sitter, he wondered if Sam would like to be slapped. After all, the baby-sitter seemed to really enjoy it.

When Meg kissed him to get the angel sword, Castiel couldn't help but want it to be Sam instead. Sam was never like Dean when it came to anonymous sexual intercourse. At first, Castiel thought that Sam just didn't like sex. But then, Sam and Dean began to have a lot of sex. It made Castiel wonder if maybe Sam only liked sex with Dean. One of the many things Castiel learned about Sam during the first six months Sam was out of the cage was Sam needed to care about the person to have sex with them. He didn't do casual.

He wondered if Sam cared enough about him to want him that way but never got around to asking him.

But then, Castiel is sure they almost kissed before everything was out in the open. After that, the last thing Sam would want to do is kiss him, no matter how much Castiel craved it.

Then Sam admits to having feelings for him and promises he's not just a replacement for Dean. Castiel wants it to be true; he really does, but how can Sam possibly have feelings for him after everything he's done? Sam might have wanted to kiss him before, but that was before he knew about everything Castiel has done.

Sam deserves better than someone who would work with a demon. _Sam worked with a demon, remember_?The little thought niggled at his mind. Sam might have worked with a demon, but the angels and demons were all conspiring against the Winchesters. Sam didn't stand a chance and his heart was always in the right place; he just went about it in the wrong way.

 _Your heart was in the right place_ , that same part of his mind reminded him.

To Castiel though, he was nothing compared to Sam. He didn't have the same capacity for love and forgiveness.

All in all, the world is a lot better place with Sam Winchester in it.

And now these Leviathans are trying to take him out of the world. Something inside of Castiel snaps when he sees Sam's fear. He pushes himself outwards, trying to break through the barrier. Sam did it against Lucifer; Castiel can do it against Leviathans.

He feels himself crash through the barrier. He takes hold of his grace and focuses. He feels himself burning up from the inside to the outside. With the fire, the Leviathans' souls are all destroyed. All that is left is Castiel, the angel of the Lord. Except, Castiel is no longer an angel. He can feel the change within him.

"Oh no," Castiel murmurs, eyes wide with shock.

***

"Cas?" Sam asks fearfully. Sam moves to get closer, but Dean stops him.

Dean moves to stand protectively in front of Sam, eyes hard.

Sam rolls his eyes at Dean stubborn protective streak. It really does get old sometimes.

Castiel comes out of what seems to be a self-induced trance. "I'm human now."

Sam shoves Dean out of the way at Castiel's heartbroken words. He goes and hugs the ang – no, man – tightly. Castiel is stiff at first, but he relaxes into Sam's firm hold.

Sam knows Dean is ready to attack if Castiel should do something. He pulls away. "Cas, the Leviathans..."

Castiel minutely shakes his head. "I used my grace to destroy them and –"

"And destroyed your grace in the process." Sam finishes.

Castiel nods, looking just a little lost. "I'm sorry, for everything. I just wanted to protect you, make sure you didn't go into Lucifer's cage for no reason. If Raphael got the Apocalypse going again –"

"Sshh," Sam interrupts. "It'll be okay. We'll work it out." Sam already knows he'll forgive Castiel. If anyone understands making bad decisions for the right reasons, it's Sam. It may take awhile to rebuild the trust, but Sam is sure it will happen.

"I care for you, too." Castiel's words are said so suddenly.

Sam is taken by surprise a bit, but then he smiles, sure that his dimples are showing through. "I'm glad," he says, ducking his head shyly.

Castiel lifts Sam's head up by the chin. They look into each other's eyes for a few moments. Castiel tilts his head up, but hesitates.

Sam makes the decision for the ex-angel and meets his lips for their first kiss. Sam closes his eyes as Castiel's arms tighten around him. He moans as Castiel's tongue sloppily tries to gain entrance into his mouth.

Sam takes the lead of the kiss, enjoying the warmth that's spreading throughout his body. Vaguely, Sam wonders if maybe Castiel still is an angel. The warmth has to be magical. Sam knows that Castiel knows himself best, though.

Bobby's throat clearing makes them separate. Sam pants heavily and he notes that Castiel is, too. "You really are human now?"

Castiel nods and softly caresses Sam's cheek.

Sam turns to face Dean who can't keep the grin off his face. He's glad to see there are no negative emotions coming from his older brother. Of course, Dean has no right to be upset, but it's still good. "Now that lover boy is no longer an angel, and now that you two got your shit together finally, you can give up hunting. Cas won't be able to bail you out, now. You stopped Crowley. It's time to settle down."

"Crowley's still alive," Sam points out.

"Let the next generation of hunters take care of him, then, you deserve retirement. Sam, think about it. You've always wanted normality; you can get it now. You have a new boyfriend who doesn't know how to be human. Get domestic with him. You have a reason to live to old age now, so do it."

"We need to talk about it," Sam and Castiel says simultaneously.

**Epilogue**

_Eight Years Later_

A lot has happened in eight years. Sam thought a lot about whether he wanted to continue hunting, and ultimately, he decided against it. He determined he paid his dues and was allowed some peace. He went back to college and completed his degree. He was actually taken back at Stanford. They were very understanding about why he ran without completing his education after Jess's death and remembered him to be a very good student. They were ecstatic to have him back. He's now a highly paid lawyer, considered one of the best in the business. Even though he no longer hunts, he vowed to never forget that there are supernatural entities out there like he did the first time he went to Stanford. There are protections all over the place wherever he lives: hidden devil's traps, salt lines, and stashed holy water.

Castiel never recovered any of his angelic powers. He suffered from depression at first, not knowing how to deal with complete humanity. With Sam's help, he discovered the benefits of being human, though. It was hard to find him a job since he had no education whatsoever. Eventually, he decided to just work at a library. The quiet atmosphere is perfect for him and it doesn't get too overwhelming. He doesn't make a lot of money, but with Sam's paycheck they do okay.

That's another thing. Sam and Castiel are in a very committed, loving relationship. They had a lot of things to work out where trust was concerned, but both wanted to make the relationship work. They took it slow, especially since Castiel was a virgin. They talked and even dated while Sam was at Stanford. Now, after many, many years, they are living together happily in a house. There are still arguments, like ever couple has, but overall, they wouldn't change a thing.

Dean was happy when Sam decided to stop hunting. He was a bit morose about Sam going back to Stanford. According to Dean, it was because of all of the unhappy memories Sam might associate with the place. Sam thought it was because he'd be so far away for an extended period of time. Lisa tended to agree with both Sam and Dean. Even when Sam and Castiel officially became a couple, things were still tense between Sam and Dean. They would never stop loving each other, but both knew they had to move on if they wanted complete happiness with their chosen partners. Dean was jealous at first of the relationship developing between Sam and Castiel, but came to be their biggest supporter as he found his own happiness. Lisa just thought Sam and Castiel was the cutest couple ever.

Dean and Lisa officially tied the knot almost a year after Sam graduated from Stanford. Sam, of course, stood up for Dean as best man while Lisa's sister was her maid of honor. The sister was pretty put out about Sam not being single, though.

A couple of years later, Lisa became pregnant with a little girl. Dean wanted to name her Mary which Lisa agreed to. Sam became the perfect doting uncle while Dean became the happiest father in the world.

Dean was thrilled when Sam and Castiel moved to his neighborhood after Sam's graduation. Their house is just down the street from Lisa and Dean's house. Every Sunday night, the two families have a big dinner at Lisa’s and Dean's house, so they can all catch up on each other's lives. The dinners are filled with laughs and stories as Sam and Dean tries to outdo each other when it comes to embarrassing stories about the other.

Sam was never a great cook and Castiel, of course, had no knowledge of the skill, so Dean took it upon himself to teach Sam so they wouldn't starve throughout the week. Lisa, on the other hand, always makes extra and takes it down the street to them.

All in all, there is happiness throughout the neighborhood.

Sam thinks about everything that he's gained since he thought his life was ending with his brother's rejection. He nibbles down Castiel's navel, enjoying the sounds of pleasure emitting from the usually stoic man as Castiel's back arches.

As Sam's mouth engulfs Castiel's beautiful cock, his last thought before animal need takes over is _I'm happy_.

 


End file.
